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I'm home, and i have a work call in twenty minutes or so (at 7), but i will not prepare for it. I think the time zones and i are aligned, in part because i was getting up so early before i left, and i was letting myself get plenty of sleep while i was gone.
I just read a friend's comment that she was feeling uncommunicative, and... i don't feel uncommunicative, so much as communicated out. When i spoke briefly with Christine during the midwinter gathering, i noted i thought i might be overdoing it. I was not excusing myself at meals to have time by myself, not taking free time to be away. I was first to sleep in my cabin and tried journalling a bit in the morning, but i did not have hours and hours before others were awake to spend in reflection.
At my parents, i listened a great deal -- saw a thousand plus photos from their travels (just two thirds of the trip) -- but i spent the time i could being with them. While the poor communication patterns are still between them in some places, the reactivity seems decreased: a direct result of my Dad's retirement, i suspect. On the other hand, traveling together at the mercy of my brother's family's whims must have been a bonding experience of sorts.
( A digression into parental communication. )
Dad, yesterday, apologized on both their behalf for arguing so much in front of me. Mom clearly wanted to argue with him (i expect she wanted to blame him for the arguments and resented that he wasn't just apologizing for himself), but she actually swallowed her reaction after a bit of drawing attention to her disagreement. ("Well, i could say something about that, but i won't at this point," with additional facial expressions of irritation.) I realize now that Mom's little drama removed the attention from me, and that's why i wasn't able to express my forgiveness to Dad. I should call him.
--==∞==--
I do have to continue to process these parental dynamics with intention. Some day i might be able to emotionally move through them without having to be aware, but now i feel i still need to practice the dance steps in my mind.
I just read a friend's comment that she was feeling uncommunicative, and... i don't feel uncommunicative, so much as communicated out. When i spoke briefly with Christine during the midwinter gathering, i noted i thought i might be overdoing it. I was not excusing myself at meals to have time by myself, not taking free time to be away. I was first to sleep in my cabin and tried journalling a bit in the morning, but i did not have hours and hours before others were awake to spend in reflection.
At my parents, i listened a great deal -- saw a thousand plus photos from their travels (just two thirds of the trip) -- but i spent the time i could being with them. While the poor communication patterns are still between them in some places, the reactivity seems decreased: a direct result of my Dad's retirement, i suspect. On the other hand, traveling together at the mercy of my brother's family's whims must have been a bonding experience of sorts.
( A digression into parental communication. )
Dad, yesterday, apologized on both their behalf for arguing so much in front of me. Mom clearly wanted to argue with him (i expect she wanted to blame him for the arguments and resented that he wasn't just apologizing for himself), but she actually swallowed her reaction after a bit of drawing attention to her disagreement. ("Well, i could say something about that, but i won't at this point," with additional facial expressions of irritation.) I realize now that Mom's little drama removed the attention from me, and that's why i wasn't able to express my forgiveness to Dad. I should call him.
--==∞==--
I do have to continue to process these parental dynamics with intention. Some day i might be able to emotionally move through them without having to be aware, but now i feel i still need to practice the dance steps in my mind.
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