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Last evening we had a little party for my ex Boss. I'd spent over five hours learning Illustrator and putting together a Minnow "Snooze," a continuation of the tradition of spoofing one of the Minnow's promotional publications. My colleague who retired in March got it printed up on tabloid paper and also had the page with our fake "retirement" press release in a mat for folks to sign as a card.
I felt like i was under water during the event, an observer of people engaged in a medium unfamiliar to me. Part of that, i think, is that after ten years i'm still "new" and "young."
And maybe that's it: the party returned me to a world of my work-childhood.
From my blurts at the gathering, I clearly remain distressed over some of the gender dynamics at the Whale (watching strong women laid off or moved out of the way).
( Without prozac, a refrain of f-bombs as i have constant low level anger )
What to do with this anger? I need to grow through it. While there are surely organizations out there that are less dysfunctional, what i need to learn is how to transmute my anger. Even in a less dysfunctional organization, i will likely become irritated. And i'll note that the first round of anger, mainly at my skin, doesn't have "run away" as an option. **
I have a five year timeline in which i want to develop an understanding of how to organize human systems into places people can thrive. Part of that is going to be learning how to transmute my anger into an energy i can use.
Anger currently seems like heat energy, waste energy, friction. There must be some emotional and mental aikido where i can take the energy of whatever is causing the anger and redirect it, elegantly and nonviolently, back into itself to heal.
I think that's a statement of faith. I don't know how well founded it is.
** Please don't suggest that the work place causes stress that causes the flares. I get that. I recognize i have choices and can leave. I check in with that choice fairly often.
--==∞==--
Meanwhile, i feel like work is demanding a great deal of me time-wise.
I'm hoping that will change. I need to put on my wheel of the year the May-end-of-fiscal-year corporate panic time. I appreciate that i am not working at a publicly traded company that has to make quarterly numbers.
I felt like i was under water during the event, an observer of people engaged in a medium unfamiliar to me. Part of that, i think, is that after ten years i'm still "new" and "young."
And maybe that's it: the party returned me to a world of my work-childhood.
From my blurts at the gathering, I clearly remain distressed over some of the gender dynamics at the Whale (watching strong women laid off or moved out of the way).
( Without prozac, a refrain of f-bombs as i have constant low level anger )
What to do with this anger? I need to grow through it. While there are surely organizations out there that are less dysfunctional, what i need to learn is how to transmute my anger. Even in a less dysfunctional organization, i will likely become irritated. And i'll note that the first round of anger, mainly at my skin, doesn't have "run away" as an option. **
I have a five year timeline in which i want to develop an understanding of how to organize human systems into places people can thrive. Part of that is going to be learning how to transmute my anger into an energy i can use.
Anger currently seems like heat energy, waste energy, friction. There must be some emotional and mental aikido where i can take the energy of whatever is causing the anger and redirect it, elegantly and nonviolently, back into itself to heal.
I think that's a statement of faith. I don't know how well founded it is.
** Please don't suggest that the work place causes stress that causes the flares. I get that. I recognize i have choices and can leave. I check in with that choice fairly often.
--==∞==--
Meanwhile, i feel like work is demanding a great deal of me time-wise.
I'm hoping that will change. I need to put on my wheel of the year the May-end-of-fiscal-year corporate panic time. I appreciate that i am not working at a publicly traded company that has to make quarterly numbers.
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