(no subject)

Thank you for those of you who responded to my post about my work-situational depression. I find i am more easily able to tell myself that some ways of thinking aren't authentic but are depression-triggered when i write them down. It's one of my distinct memories of going on prozac years and years ago. I had lived in a constant wash of self harm ideation and prozac was like an umbrella opening sheltering me slightly from those thoughts -- but not all thoughts. There was a distinct sense of some thoughts being not-me, after all.

The failure thought feels like a not-me thought, but like being wet in a rainstorm, it's hard to hold the constant and authentic "I am" separate from the momentary "I am wet." And unlike a rainstorm, the cascade of depression thoughts are both closer to the "I am" while being less objectively real than the "I am wet." ( more writing therapy and strategizing )