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Library committee from tonight has been canceled. That's good as i've not done anything and we have a visit to the surgeon late this afternoon. It was going to be a very crowded day.
It's time for me to get back into calculating my spoons and considering my "conditions of enoughness."
Practices: To practice, to tune, and to accept.
Goals: Christine's surgery, career dreaming
Right now i don't feel like career dreaming: the loan we are taking on my 403b (similar to 401k) needs to be paid back in full if i leave the my current employer. I am not trapped, but my motivation is much lower. I also need to remind myself that career dreaming is not the same as looking for a new job. Positioning myself and preparing myself are different issues.
Still, for the next few months the real goal is moving through the surgery and recovery, keeping an even keel.
I also want to get back into the walking practice, now that it's light in the evening (oh, how i miss the morning glimmer).
I will be going off the prozac in a month or so, i figure. Most of the acute issues that weighed upon me last fall have turned: my mouth is back to normal, and my understanding of what is going on at work has undergone several significant revisions. I need to establish the walking practice and the spoon/"condition of enoughness" practices so that when the chemical support is removed, i can stand. My sense of insecurity/incompetence still courses through me at times: yesterday i was aware of my choice to not work weekends, of not being able to provide my team with all the information they need. Some is not my fault: i, too, must work without all the needed information. But i feel i've lost respect from a colleague, and it frustrates me. [There's more work and team worries.]
[Break to attend phone meeting; phone meeting canceled. Desire to get card written on plane in the mail: cannot find clipbox with correspondence. Hunt. Ask Christine to hunt. Ponder whether i've seen it since on flight. Consign it to the "lost" list in my mind. Find SFO has no lost and found. Find that Delta has a form, at least, to fill out. Recall bundle of lost items (glasses, journal) left on plane circa 2002 that were never recovered. Decide that there are no expectations of recovery.]
Instead of digging in to where i feel overwhelm and lack, though, i will turn to managing the now.
Yesterday, while driving to work i set an evening goal. I assumed i'd be home by 6, and decided i had two hours of spoons (i wouldn't assume anything beyond time). I decided i would do some crochet as a replenishment activity.
I turned out to be home closer to 7 pm, with my back twinging, but i did do some crochet and ran a shopping errand (to get more back pain analgesics plus all sorts of other things that make me feel terribly over the hill). Plus i called about Library committee. Wins all around! That was a reasonable set of evening activities.
It's time for me to get back into calculating my spoons and considering my "conditions of enoughness."
Practices: To practice, to tune, and to accept.
Goals: Christine's surgery, career dreaming
Right now i don't feel like career dreaming: the loan we are taking on my 403b (similar to 401k) needs to be paid back in full if i leave the my current employer. I am not trapped, but my motivation is much lower. I also need to remind myself that career dreaming is not the same as looking for a new job. Positioning myself and preparing myself are different issues.
Still, for the next few months the real goal is moving through the surgery and recovery, keeping an even keel.
I also want to get back into the walking practice, now that it's light in the evening (oh, how i miss the morning glimmer).
I will be going off the prozac in a month or so, i figure. Most of the acute issues that weighed upon me last fall have turned: my mouth is back to normal, and my understanding of what is going on at work has undergone several significant revisions. I need to establish the walking practice and the spoon/"condition of enoughness" practices so that when the chemical support is removed, i can stand. My sense of insecurity/incompetence still courses through me at times: yesterday i was aware of my choice to not work weekends, of not being able to provide my team with all the information they need. Some is not my fault: i, too, must work without all the needed information. But i feel i've lost respect from a colleague, and it frustrates me. [There's more work and team worries.]
[Break to attend phone meeting; phone meeting canceled. Desire to get card written on plane in the mail: cannot find clipbox with correspondence. Hunt. Ask Christine to hunt. Ponder whether i've seen it since on flight. Consign it to the "lost" list in my mind. Find SFO has no lost and found. Find that Delta has a form, at least, to fill out. Recall bundle of lost items (glasses, journal) left on plane circa 2002 that were never recovered. Decide that there are no expectations of recovery.]
Instead of digging in to where i feel overwhelm and lack, though, i will turn to managing the now.
Yesterday, while driving to work i set an evening goal. I assumed i'd be home by 6, and decided i had two hours of spoons (i wouldn't assume anything beyond time). I decided i would do some crochet as a replenishment activity.
I turned out to be home closer to 7 pm, with my back twinging, but i did do some crochet and ran a shopping errand (to get more back pain analgesics plus all sorts of other things that make me feel terribly over the hill). Plus i called about Library committee. Wins all around! That was a reasonable set of evening activities.