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Yesterday, i worked pleasantly until early afternoon, when i was confronted with a number of issues that made me feel like i was failing to do my job well. I kept working until after 7, and then was frustrated. I hadn't taken little breaks to do laundry, i hadn't taken many breaks at all, and hadn't eaten well (no complete protein early in the day).
Christine and i ate and watched a show, with my edginess slowly dissolving away, but after i didn't feel like taking on any of the many little things that await my attention.
I recognize the edginess and frustration were also accompanied by a satisfaction. I had not walked away from (some of) the things that made me feel inadequate but had addressed them. I had completed documentation and planning for a few things and could move on this morning. I should take this as a great leap forward: in the past, the reminder of a gap, a "failure," a place where i had not met my expectation could trigger an escape. I think the fact that i was working on something that didn't have negative associations to it and that had an end in sight made the emotional transition possible. I finished the task i was feeling good about, and then went on to one of the quagmires.
I suppose this is the magic of breaking things down: last evening, all i had to do was bring a group of folks up-to-date on the quagmire, list the issues, propose the next route attempt through the swamp, and i can let it go. I wish i did know how to examine the issues and propose a resolution, but i have to delegate.
Christine and i ate and watched a show, with my edginess slowly dissolving away, but after i didn't feel like taking on any of the many little things that await my attention.
I recognize the edginess and frustration were also accompanied by a satisfaction. I had not walked away from (some of) the things that made me feel inadequate but had addressed them. I had completed documentation and planning for a few things and could move on this morning. I should take this as a great leap forward: in the past, the reminder of a gap, a "failure," a place where i had not met my expectation could trigger an escape. I think the fact that i was working on something that didn't have negative associations to it and that had an end in sight made the emotional transition possible. I finished the task i was feeling good about, and then went on to one of the quagmires.
I suppose this is the magic of breaking things down: last evening, all i had to do was bring a group of folks up-to-date on the quagmire, list the issues, propose the next route attempt through the swamp, and i can let it go. I wish i did know how to examine the issues and propose a resolution, but i have to delegate.
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