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Thanksgiving:
Spent morning making sauces and pie. I had become concerned that plain tamales would be a little dry, so plotted sauces that might make a fusion between Thanksgiving and The NYTimes umami gravy with additions to add Latin American notes, a cranberry-lime cream sauce, and a cranberry sauce with cinnamon and Grand Marnier. I also made a coconut crust and then filled it with a Shaker lemon pie filling, topped with lemon wheels and coconut.
Meal was fine, some reminiscing of my mother's father (not favorably) and "children's table". I felt worried for Christine and was in my own way feeling awkward. It has been a very long time since we joined for a meal. I think we might have joined the first Thanksgiving we were here, and after that had only come for deserts.
Between meal and desert had a summit with my brother over my grandmother's care and current issues. One issue that precipitated this summit was the announcement and scheduling of relief for my grandmother's current carer at the end of the year. It turns out -- as i had suspected -- that my brother had a hand in the scheduling for something that was nice for him, and he hadn't thought at all about how it might impact others.
Then was pie, and i was swamped by negative assessments of my pie (i thought it would be a clever idea to use coconut oil but i think it was a little greasy compared to what i had used in the past). I also was just in an emotional black hole. The summit was not light.
We left pretty quickly after pie, home, where i was really quite blue. (Retrospect: i had forgotten to take my antidepressant.) In many ways a lovely Thanksgiving meal -- the tamales were a hit, the food was fun -- and nothing was wrong. Christine was coping, although withdrawn. But i just -- wow, melt down at home.
Watched the extended edition of The Two Towers (as we frequently do over this long weekend). So hard to believe Fellowship of the Ring is twenty years old.
--== ∞ ==--
Friday: MORE SUMMIT. Went over to my parents' to meet with siblings and father and rehash everything out. Strong argument that status quo is very unstable, that having plans will make the possible futures easier to deal with. Some blindness on father's and brother's part about the life disruption of filling in for Dad when caring for Mom including Mom's distress -- much illumination. In the end my sister seemed OK with my Dad taking Mom to Florida to stay with his mother for the relief week. I believe it will give him some time to talk to his Mom in person.
Anyhow, we had to-dos and decision trees sketched out when we wrapped. And then there was debriefing with my Dad, as he sort of reeled from the thing. Apparently he had promised his mother that she could stay in her home as long as she wanted. Followed with some visiting with Mom. I also cleaned out some clothes that don't work with Mom's current condition.
Home to rake - and think about the meal on Thanksgiving. My sister confirmed we were noticeably uncomfortable. I realized that i really don't want to be part of a repeat with more people in December. So i decided i wanted to have some time just with my brother and his wife -- who are bad matches for us, but better to see them as a couple than just sort of witness them in the gatherings. And then i want to spend some time with my brother's eldest.
Went for a walk with Carrie and Christine, then discussed plans with Christine - and found out the drama on her side of the family.
The week before Christmas is going to be packed, given our 30th anniversary on the Tuesday the 21st, a group watching of a hockey game hosted by my brother on Sunday the 19th, finding time for my brother and his spouse, for my nibling, and for Christine's sister and spouse.
Watched The Return of the King, extended edition. Up far too late.
--== ∞ ==--
Saturday:
Woke and began trying to write up the notes from the day before, playing with a new-to-me Gantt application built on Airtable. Stopped mid morning when i needed to pick up our preordered Christmas tree ( a fundraiser). First i ran up to the grocery store to get cash and a few things. Called Dad and found out he had gone ahead and talked to his cousin who of course pushed back -- as we predicted -- on the transit. We had strategized the day before on how my sister would get some research for Dad so he would have facts at his finger tips. Also discovered Dad had decided his mother would come live with him and Mom -- which ...
Picked up the tree and then went to my sister's with the shirts i thought she or her daughter could wear, at which my sister and brother were going for a walk. I joined them for that, and then joined them for a lunch, and then went home. More raking.
We watched a TV show and the penultimate episode of HBO's 100 Foot Wave, a documentary about Nazare Portugal.
--== ∞ ==--
Today, i hope i can rest and catch up with my own life. And rake more. It's a whole body work out, and yay for free mulch. My sister offered her leaf blower, but - i dunno. I like grading the driveway while i rake the gravel surface -- creating small lateral ridges to divert rain off the surface. (Putting in a rain garden was the best thing for protecting the watershed and the drive surface, but there's still plenty of run off in a heavy rain.) And i think i would hate the roar.
I think i've been depressed, not really sure why other than aging is intimidating. The cost of assisted living is intimidating. Becoming less able is intimidating.
Spent morning making sauces and pie. I had become concerned that plain tamales would be a little dry, so plotted sauces that might make a fusion between Thanksgiving and The NYTimes umami gravy with additions to add Latin American notes, a cranberry-lime cream sauce, and a cranberry sauce with cinnamon and Grand Marnier. I also made a coconut crust and then filled it with a Shaker lemon pie filling, topped with lemon wheels and coconut.
Meal was fine, some reminiscing of my mother's father (not favorably) and "children's table". I felt worried for Christine and was in my own way feeling awkward. It has been a very long time since we joined for a meal. I think we might have joined the first Thanksgiving we were here, and after that had only come for deserts.
Between meal and desert had a summit with my brother over my grandmother's care and current issues. One issue that precipitated this summit was the announcement and scheduling of relief for my grandmother's current carer at the end of the year. It turns out -- as i had suspected -- that my brother had a hand in the scheduling for something that was nice for him, and he hadn't thought at all about how it might impact others.
Then was pie, and i was swamped by negative assessments of my pie (i thought it would be a clever idea to use coconut oil but i think it was a little greasy compared to what i had used in the past). I also was just in an emotional black hole. The summit was not light.
We left pretty quickly after pie, home, where i was really quite blue. (Retrospect: i had forgotten to take my antidepressant.) In many ways a lovely Thanksgiving meal -- the tamales were a hit, the food was fun -- and nothing was wrong. Christine was coping, although withdrawn. But i just -- wow, melt down at home.
Watched the extended edition of The Two Towers (as we frequently do over this long weekend). So hard to believe Fellowship of the Ring is twenty years old.
--== ∞ ==--
Friday: MORE SUMMIT. Went over to my parents' to meet with siblings and father and rehash everything out. Strong argument that status quo is very unstable, that having plans will make the possible futures easier to deal with. Some blindness on father's and brother's part about the life disruption of filling in for Dad when caring for Mom including Mom's distress -- much illumination. In the end my sister seemed OK with my Dad taking Mom to Florida to stay with his mother for the relief week. I believe it will give him some time to talk to his Mom in person.
Anyhow, we had to-dos and decision trees sketched out when we wrapped. And then there was debriefing with my Dad, as he sort of reeled from the thing. Apparently he had promised his mother that she could stay in her home as long as she wanted. Followed with some visiting with Mom. I also cleaned out some clothes that don't work with Mom's current condition.
Home to rake - and think about the meal on Thanksgiving. My sister confirmed we were noticeably uncomfortable. I realized that i really don't want to be part of a repeat with more people in December. So i decided i wanted to have some time just with my brother and his wife -- who are bad matches for us, but better to see them as a couple than just sort of witness them in the gatherings. And then i want to spend some time with my brother's eldest.
Went for a walk with Carrie and Christine, then discussed plans with Christine - and found out the drama on her side of the family.
The week before Christmas is going to be packed, given our 30th anniversary on the Tuesday the 21st, a group watching of a hockey game hosted by my brother on Sunday the 19th, finding time for my brother and his spouse, for my nibling, and for Christine's sister and spouse.
Watched The Return of the King, extended edition. Up far too late.
--== ∞ ==--
Saturday:
Woke and began trying to write up the notes from the day before, playing with a new-to-me Gantt application built on Airtable. Stopped mid morning when i needed to pick up our preordered Christmas tree ( a fundraiser). First i ran up to the grocery store to get cash and a few things. Called Dad and found out he had gone ahead and talked to his cousin who of course pushed back -- as we predicted -- on the transit. We had strategized the day before on how my sister would get some research for Dad so he would have facts at his finger tips. Also discovered Dad had decided his mother would come live with him and Mom -- which ...
Picked up the tree and then went to my sister's with the shirts i thought she or her daughter could wear, at which my sister and brother were going for a walk. I joined them for that, and then joined them for a lunch, and then went home. More raking.
We watched a TV show and the penultimate episode of HBO's 100 Foot Wave, a documentary about Nazare Portugal.
--== ∞ ==--
Today, i hope i can rest and catch up with my own life. And rake more. It's a whole body work out, and yay for free mulch. My sister offered her leaf blower, but - i dunno. I like grading the driveway while i rake the gravel surface -- creating small lateral ridges to divert rain off the surface. (Putting in a rain garden was the best thing for protecting the watershed and the drive surface, but there's still plenty of run off in a heavy rain.) And i think i would hate the roar.
I think i've been depressed, not really sure why other than aging is intimidating. The cost of assisted living is intimidating. Becoming less able is intimidating.
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(If you find yourself willing to tell about Shaker lemon pie I would be grateful.)
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Hell yes it will! Good on you all!