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From early in the week, and observation through the window from my work desk:
And a complaint:
We are fully leafed out now -- since last weekend, i think. The black walnut might still be working at leafing out, but from the bed through the bedroom window it's all green: no glimpses of sky any more. Star of Bethlehem began blooming on the 15th, and the bearded iris bloomed in the front yard yesterday. (It's from the previous owners: might be Jurassic Park (but i've never had reblooming) or Edith Wolford. They are survivors of much neglect like our gladiolas.
Procrastination early in the week, for two days. Included looking into whether there is a taxonomy of procrastination types. I was pointed towards T A Pychyl's work and this non-scholarly summary:
* Inevitable delays, which arise when one’s schedule is overloaded or disrupted by another obligation or need
* Arousal delays, which occur when a person decides they’d be more motivated to do something at the last minute;
* Hedonistic delays, which happen when a person chooses to do something else than the task at hand because of the instant gratification factor;
* Delays due to psychological problems, such as grief or another mood or mental health condition, whether chronic or acute;
* Purposeful delays, commonly required when a person needs to, say, think about an issue or creative work before getting down to the act of writing or producing something; and
* Irrational delays, which are inexplicable to the procrastinator and often fueled by fear of failure and anxiety.
There is also decisional delay mentioned in the literature, which is when there is some discomfort associated with making a decision, so that is avoided.
I've added these to my "Behaviors and Consequences" list, https://airtable.com/shrWJdEydy3qxGlDS , where i have listed behaviors i want to be aware of. I've made a form that allows me to select behaviors and record the antecedents as way of being mindful of the behaviors and slowly change. While looking into the types of procrastination was a way of procrastinating, it wasn't frivolous, no more than folks who clean house as part of procrastinating are frivolous. I'll refine the consequences over time if that's valuable. I'm pretty sure the main thing that's valuable is recognizing when i'm in a somewhat habitual behavior pattern and what triggered it.
Although the afternoon consumption is not stopping. What i think i would like are intensely flavored small "candies." I've some Finnish licorice that is somewhere between hard and chewy. Läkerol is a little more chewy and more quickly consumed -- but i just bought a box of every flavor in stock at licoriceinternational.com . Hopefully, the potent flavor will provide the stimulation i am looking for. I have a little gumball dispenser, and i will mix all the flavors together in the dispenser and have the pleasure of not knowing the flavor and being surprised. I know some folks won't think of salmiak (salt licorice) and pleasure as compatible concepts, but i like the intensity. I wish Läkerol had clove, cinnamon, and cardamom flavored candies.
The green wall and canopies of leaves have gone up. New shadows have my attention as the tulip poplar's shade moves across my view like an hour hand. And shade's absence, where we cut back a tree months ago so sun could be lavished on the squash trellis: the inky spot is missing. Only the gnomon of the trunk remains.
And a complaint:
Someone spoofing the EPA has been calling us. I assume if i answered i would be greeted by one of a dozen scam pitches we frequently get. Why would anyone believe the caller when it doesn't match the caller ID? Who are the people responding to these scams? Because if you have a phone number for more than a few months the overwhelming number of junk contacts should educate you as to the absolute bunk most of them are.
We are fully leafed out now -- since last weekend, i think. The black walnut might still be working at leafing out, but from the bed through the bedroom window it's all green: no glimpses of sky any more. Star of Bethlehem began blooming on the 15th, and the bearded iris bloomed in the front yard yesterday. (It's from the previous owners: might be Jurassic Park (but i've never had reblooming) or Edith Wolford. They are survivors of much neglect like our gladiolas.
Procrastination early in the week, for two days. Included looking into whether there is a taxonomy of procrastination types. I was pointed towards T A Pychyl's work and this non-scholarly summary:
* Inevitable delays, which arise when one’s schedule is overloaded or disrupted by another obligation or need
* Arousal delays, which occur when a person decides they’d be more motivated to do something at the last minute;
* Hedonistic delays, which happen when a person chooses to do something else than the task at hand because of the instant gratification factor;
* Delays due to psychological problems, such as grief or another mood or mental health condition, whether chronic or acute;
* Purposeful delays, commonly required when a person needs to, say, think about an issue or creative work before getting down to the act of writing or producing something; and
* Irrational delays, which are inexplicable to the procrastinator and often fueled by fear of failure and anxiety.
There is also decisional delay mentioned in the literature, which is when there is some discomfort associated with making a decision, so that is avoided.
I've added these to my "Behaviors and Consequences" list, https://airtable.com/shrWJdEydy3qxGlDS , where i have listed behaviors i want to be aware of. I've made a form that allows me to select behaviors and record the antecedents as way of being mindful of the behaviors and slowly change. While looking into the types of procrastination was a way of procrastinating, it wasn't frivolous, no more than folks who clean house as part of procrastinating are frivolous. I'll refine the consequences over time if that's valuable. I'm pretty sure the main thing that's valuable is recognizing when i'm in a somewhat habitual behavior pattern and what triggered it.
Although the afternoon consumption is not stopping. What i think i would like are intensely flavored small "candies." I've some Finnish licorice that is somewhere between hard and chewy. Läkerol is a little more chewy and more quickly consumed -- but i just bought a box of every flavor in stock at licoriceinternational.com . Hopefully, the potent flavor will provide the stimulation i am looking for. I have a little gumball dispenser, and i will mix all the flavors together in the dispenser and have the pleasure of not knowing the flavor and being surprised. I know some folks won't think of salmiak (salt licorice) and pleasure as compatible concepts, but i like the intensity. I wish Läkerol had clove, cinnamon, and cardamom flavored candies.
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GOOD move!
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To your good health.
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I like to think I'm organized (generally) and mostly aware of what I'm doing with occasional spirals into Never-Never Land with the crap I am dealing with.
You list is both inspiring and intimidating for me. I would love to try this but know I'd never keep up with it.
I've begun some different journaling to try to sort myself out - my daughter bought me a burn journal I've been working on and I spotted the 52 Lists series at B&N that are also on Amazon. I want to work a few of those too.
Trees are all wide open here too, I told Jeff I want to plant a few Tulip Trees eventually, they'll be perfect for the side near the jerk neighbors
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More later.
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I understand the CBT, had my daughter involved with that when she was younger and I found it helpful for me for something as simple as accepting a compliment.
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My thoughts generally run very self-critical.
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And thank you for this comment, it makes me feel better about stuff in general *grin* I like to consider myself aware though I know I'm not really where I want to be - I'd like to be more totally "Zen" about everything some day.
My thoughts use to be the same as yours and I'm not sure what really clicked for me. I know there was a bit of an epiphany at work in NJ one day - I was helping a customer with a part search (I excel at this stuff, the obscure little bit that makes the entire project go!) and for some reason got to a point that I'd found what I needed but only by complete accident. I muttered something to myself about being stupid and try harder next time. The customer was a younger woman and said "stop" I was SO confused! She took my wrist and told me that I should never do that, that I was definitely was not stupid because I had succeeded in finding the part no matter how it happened. She said don't be so hard on yourself and handed me a business card that had a butterfly on it and "You are beautiful be kind to yourself and have an amazing day" I still have the card, this was 10 or 12 years ago?
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