elainegrey

From Wednesday morning:

I think this is the first day at my desk this week that i wasn't in urgent mode. Can i work on the important-with-looming-urgency? Ugh.

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Figs are doing well, although i've resigned myself to leaving some on the tree for wasps and spiders. I will need to ponder my pruning strategy this winter. I'm dehydrating at a lower temperature and the color is much nicer. I'm also not going to rock hard. Raisins aren't rocks and last "forever" at shelf temperatures, so why make the figs completely desiccated. The fruit jerky/leather is also working nicely. The ability to cook the fruit and then keep it in the fridge a while before dehydrating allows "stalling" dealing with very ripe figs.

Meanwhile, i've given away fresh ripe figs and eat them every day, myself.

--== ∞ ==--

Replacement dehumidifier didn't drain into its bucket but leaked on the floor. Now on yet another replacement cycle.

Left string trimmer and other tools in the rain. Battery definitely dead. Trimmer seems OK. Getting new battery AND a pole saw. Very very excited about the pole saw. I had a manual pole saw and lopper and need to figure out how to restring the cord that pulled the lopper bit. It wasn't satisfactory. Maybe someday.

In balance, i have done things with things i have ordered: pink shoes are polished, boots are dyed navy blue (LOVE!), and i have properly installed the curtain pull back hooks. Now i want to fix the curtain rod the previous owners left. (Metal fixtures are completely inconsistent in the house. The curtain rod is shiny brass, but i'm trying to move to oiled bronze in that room. I can't count the different door handle finishes.)

--== ∞ ==--

I managed to get outside and fight stilt grass yesterday. Will also skip the usual grocery run and do the same tonight. I'm frustrated about going to a conference just as the weather finally begins to moderate. Will cope with humidity. At least it's not hot. [And i *did* get outside and make more progress. Hoping i can get into a habit that i can keep and make good progress.]

--== ∞ ==--

I've just made some notes about things to do near and nearish to the Hilton Minneapolis. I'm pondering the Swedish Museum on Friday, between conference ending at noon and flight leaving at 5 pm. The Foshay building observation deck seems like it might be nice, too.

I want to panic about clothes but i am trying to tell myself it is going to be OK.

Woo-hoo, I am the champion: i have all my Dad's apple device on the same Apple ID that has all his history, turned on MFA, synced his keychain (ie: apple's password manager, more or less), changed the email address that manages the account to his address instead of my mothers (an account no one has really looked at in YEARS). Getting the Apple IDs straightened out has been something i have been slowly inching along at for months, even before my mother died.

All morning plus too many cookies.

--== ∞ ==--

Yesterday i spent the whole time getting a bunch of tasks prioritized. ( boooorrrring )

--== ∞ ==--

I want to reply to comments, and so hold off on writing so i can get to comments, but then i don't and then i am quiet. So, hi!

Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday were spoiled by sanitizing our internal plumbing and by replacing the 1998 Ranger shopping. To sanitize the plumbing the 0.5 micron filter was removed and much chlorine added -- and then unfiltered (muddy) water with chlorine was distributed around the whole house until orange water came from every faucet. Ugh. Then we let that sit for hours, and then we had to flush. And flush. And flush. I was hypersensitive to the scent of chlorine and somewhat distressed by it for the next days.

The vehicle shopping was something i think we could have avoided, but Christine was feeling like it was needed. As of Friday, she's decided it's unlikely we will find a bargain, after she test drove a vehicle that had to be jumped to get started. And the doors didn't close. We have hired The Lemon Squad to check out a vehicle that looks too good to be true an hour plus drive away. This is great in my opinion: it's both getting a mechanic to look at it (because i will never trust a random mechanic near a used car dealer to NOT be paid off) and getting information from a test drive without over two hours of road trip. The frustrating part is once we initiated the inspection, there's no refund, so even though we've "given up" there's still what happens if the inspection completes with good news tomorrow. On the other hand, if the vehicle sells this weekend, then we have to find another vehicle to be inspected in the next 90 days.

I'm not sure why but i feel totally exhausted. Some personal interactions, i think, one at work, one with Christine. I am very happy that my colleague -- who has be in the cruel, slow lay-off because she cannot work in the office the three days a week because she is primary care provider for her elderly, stroke survivor mother --she has a job! With a "Assistant Vice President" title. She has been churning on self doubt, and i have been cheering her to claim the skills she has. I pointed her to the term "imposter syndrome" and pointed out the issue is all the subtle signals women in tech get (and i've seen her deal with additional issues due to race). I hope she can really rock it.

But i am going to miss her.

Also, I may have asked for more from my coach than i need. I may be at the "i have to do thing because i said i would do thing, not because i enjoy thing" point of making myself miserable.

From early in the week, and observation through the window from my work desk:

The green wall and canopies of leaves have gone up. New shadows have my attention as the tulip poplar's shade moves across my view like an hour hand. And shade's absence, where we cut back a tree months ago so sun could be lavished on the squash trellis: the inky spot is missing. Only the gnomon of the trunk remains.

And a complaint:

Someone spoofing the EPA has been calling us. I assume if i answered i would be greeted by one of a dozen scam pitches we frequently get. Why would anyone believe the caller when it doesn't match the caller ID? Who are the people responding to these scams? Because if you have a phone number for more than a few months the overwhelming number of junk contacts should educate you as to the absolute bunk most of them are.

We are fully leafed out now -- since last weekend, i think. The black walnut might still be working at leafing out, but from the bed through the bedroom window it's all green: no glimpses of sky any more. Star of Bethlehem began blooming on the 15th, and the bearded iris bloomed in the front yard yesterday. (It's from the previous owners: might be Jurassic Park (but i've never had reblooming) or Edith Wolford. They are survivors of much neglect like our gladiolas.

Procrastination early in the week, for two days. Included looking into whether there is a taxonomy of procrastination types. I was pointed towards T A Pychyl's work and this non-scholarly summary:

* Inevitable delays, which arise when one’s schedule is overloaded or disrupted by another obligation or need
* Arousal delays, which occur when a person decides they’d be more motivated to do something at the last minute;
* Hedonistic delays, which happen when a person chooses to do something else than the task at hand because of the instant gratification factor;
* Delays due to psychological problems, such as grief or another mood or mental health condition, whether chronic or acute;
* Purposeful delays, commonly required when a person needs to, say, think about an issue or creative work before getting down to the act of writing or producing something; and
* Irrational delays, which are inexplicable to the procrastinator and often fueled by fear of failure and anxiety.

There is also decisional delay mentioned in the literature, which is when there is some discomfort associated with making a decision, so that is avoided.

I've added these to my "Behaviors and Consequences" list, https://airtable.com/shrWJdEydy3qxGlDS , where i have listed behaviors i want to be aware of. I've made a form that allows me to select behaviors and record the antecedents as way of being mindful of the behaviors and slowly change. While looking into the types of procrastination was a way of procrastinating, it wasn't frivolous, no more than folks who clean house as part of procrastinating are frivolous. I'll refine the consequences over time if that's valuable. I'm pretty sure the main thing that's valuable is recognizing when i'm in a somewhat habitual behavior pattern and what triggered it.

Although the afternoon consumption is not stopping. What i think i would like are intensely flavored small "candies." I've some Finnish licorice that is somewhere between hard and chewy. Läkerol is a little more chewy and more quickly consumed -- but i just bought a box of every flavor in stock at licoriceinternational.com . Hopefully, the potent flavor will provide the stimulation i am looking for. I have a little gumball dispenser, and i will mix all the flavors together in the dispenser and have the pleasure of not knowing the flavor and being surprised. I know some folks won't think of salmiak (salt licorice) and pleasure as compatible concepts, but i like the intensity. I wish Läkerol had clove, cinnamon, and cardamom flavored candies.

During lunch break yesterday, i picked stevia then leaves from the wild passionfruit plant and the wild-ish Pycnanthemum tenuifolium, narrowleaf mountain mint, and a variety of my cultivated mints (lemon balm, tulsi, and spearmint). Stevia and the passionfruit leaves were dehydrated. Stevia leaf is just stunning in its sweetness: it's very similar to the processed sweetener if not identical. I'm going to try overwintering the plant. I imagine being able to enjoy stevia sweetened horehound tea this winter. The passionfruit leaves are supposed to be mildly sedative: we'll see. The mountain mint went under vodka to make an extract for the planned bitters project. At the rate at which i drink alcohol, it will take years to go through all of this.

I watched the first episode of Netflix's documentary series High on the Hog yesterday. It's beautifully produced, with drone footage of red roads and waterways in Benin, Africa. I would have liked a bit more detail about the food -- but i can look for recipes from Benin to get a sense of what was being prepared.

( Self talk, dissatisfaction )

I need to figure out how to hold my to-do list lightly.

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Once upon a time i bought a crypto token in an early offering. I don't technically have an allowance, but it was kinda like spending my allowance on it. It was before Christine got fed up with crypto herself. Time passed. The tokens are now worth ten times as much as i paid for them. I kinda want to get my investment in dollars back out. And maybe convert some to ₿itcoin. So far it seems the one exchange i as an American can play in that also has the token i own has no straightforward way to handle getting dollars into my bank account. I guess this is why people invented so called stable coins, crypto currencies tied to fiat currencies. Meanwhile, i've already evaporated some ₿itcoin in "gas" fees, the fees for committing a transaction on the blockchain ledger.

I remember sitting in a conference room years ago listening to tech dudes rhapsodize about putting your twitter handle on the blockchain. "Yeah, it's only a few cents for the transaction now, what are you going to do when the financial incentives switch from mining to the fees to commit the transactions?*" Today i spent roughly $25 to transfer ₿itcoin out of a dead end account. Presumably we spent something similar getting it into the dead end account.

However, the answer to my question is, "We create our own blockchain with different financial incentives that uses our own tokens to pay for transactions." Those are the tokens i bought.

Anyhow, years of theoretical understanding of distributed ledgers (aka blockchain technology) are now slightly less theoretical. I am happy to answer questions about blockchain tech (although i am no expert). I am a noob when it comes to cryptofinance, and my ₿itcoin blunder is not likely one anyone will make but here's the lesson.

( The people likely to need to know this are not likely reading my journal. )

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Evernote fury number i can't even: ( important feature no longer available but maybe it will come back? )

Happy new year to you and yours.

Some of you are in transitions, with work, family, and living situation changes happening this past year -- some pandemic caused, some otherwise. I appreciate you sharing your stories. There's grief and the anticipation of grief for some of you: i hope for ease and that memories of the good accompany you. For some of you the change in work brought by the pandemic created some opportunities: i hope the new path is rewarding. For some of you there is worry and uncertainty: i hope there's a solid ground for you to land on, and that your strength bears you to that security. For those of you with health concerns: may there be healing.

For some of us, the drama of the year has been in what we witnessed, and i suspect that many of us are tired. I am surprised at how tired i am. May we all find restoration and a deep wellspring of compassion, wisdom, and strength. May we all be prepared to stand up for justice and love, for our fellow beings and for the planet when the opportunity presents.

( Read more... )

I made the mistake of watching some videos of people using broadforks and chopping hoes in "clay." HA! You call that clay? It reminds me of how i want to do a photo series of a chunk of clay, maybe a cubic foot of the brick red soil, set on a log pedestal in the weather, and photograph the sun and rain wearing it way. I would expect one nice piece of quartz from a chunk, milky whiteness to be revealed after the rain washes the volcanic soil away. I amuse myself thinking about how that specific rock has never been seen above ground before (perhaps a miner bee "saw" it while it was below ground).

I have come to believe the area i picked for my garden was particularly bad in that what loam there was was scraped off in grading to provide more soil around the house. It is getting better with time; i can see the difference.

Sunday night i used the wheeled string trimmer, with its heavy duty line at the lowest setting, and obliterated a good deal of growth in driveway island, as well as a good deal of the stilt grass growing in the woods around the black walnuts. So far the plans for the island haven't really worked. Scattering wildflower seed ended up with high stilt grass. The squash would have carpeted and shaded the area but the deer and rabbits loved the stuff. I think i'm going to need to be very intentional about planting. I really don't want turf, grass that needs mowing, which is the "easy" solution. My next plan is to use pine chippings to cover as much of the area, and pine logs to outline it. As i identify plants that seem deer resistant and attractive or productive, plant those by amending the direct location of the plant's hole. Or just turn the whole thing into a giant onion parch.

Deer and rabbits abound. During my Tuesday morning meetings a rabbit was grazing on the other side of the window, staying in place for a long time. I suppose with the driveway island mostly cleared, there was better cover close to the house -- the big patch of bearsfoot at the base of the tulip poplar.

This morning two does were grazing close to the house just outside the fence. When i open the blinds on the French doors they studied the movement. I cracked open the door and Marlow slipped out. They studied each other and i let Luigi out. His stiff joints give an impression of him stomping. Stomp stomp stomp to the edge of the deck. The deer give him their full attention, and one stamps her hoof. He goes down the stairs and advances toward them. I hear the whistling snorts, and there's some retreat away from the house and into the woods -- but it's not complete and the deer still study Luigi and snort. They're distracted from me as i complete my morning chore of opening the deck door, unlatching at top and bottom so the cats can now come and go via the door in the office window that looks into the porch. I slip back inside and the deer are finally out of my sight as i carry Edward to the door to urge him, too, out for a morning constitutional. With age his eyes seem to be failing and he seems spooked by the great contrast of morning gloaming to the dark room.

Mom and Dad stopped by yesterday evening and i gave them ground cherries and mouse melons (aka Mexican gherkins). Dad was suspicious, but ate the ground cherry and was pleasantly surprised.

In therapy we talked about my lack of focus, how that's likely related to the lack of sleep and the lower back pain that develops while i am sleeping. I am certain it's related to some combination of the new bed (initially suing it much firmer than i had been sleeping on), the smaller bed (and all the negotiations of the cats for new locations), the changed position of the bed (even though i'm just as close to the air vent as before, i think i'm in the circulation path and thus am colder in the evenings), sleeping on the opposite side of the bed. It's all DIFFERENT.

In the evening we completed more steps in transferring my domains to AWS as the registrar and Christine's collection that she manages. We'd been surprise by a new ICANN requirement that blocks transfer if you change any details about the registrant. Apparently, one can opt out of this block, but my current domain registrar (who does not impress me at all) didn't make that clear until after the fact. Fortunately the customer support was willing to make it happen -- if i sent them my username and password (and IP address). I was a little boggled at the request, but after a cost risk analysis, i used https://onetimesecret.com/ to send them the username and password. The support team reports the transfer opt-out is complete, so on to the next step.

We've also gotten the forms filled out and printed to request absentee ballots for November. Whee!

MONDAY, mid morning:

Far too distracted by Oikos Tree Crops' selections. I went to verify something about sunchokes and then found their nuts and plums and strawberry selections far more extensive than when i last checked. Stop stop stop.

Christine is at the vet with the boyos, and Carrie wanted out (in the rain). Kitten Marlowe, too. I decided to just go ahead and fix the fence. It was a quick job of weaving wire in the gap (which i had probably caused with the powerful string trimmer. While i was out, i noticed the 500 gallon barrel is full. So, i went and run a hose down the hill past the garden and have opened the port. Meanwhile, Marlowe has had plenty of time to explore the yard and now sit at the double gate gazing at the meadow. I am on the back porch and keep hopping up to check on her. She's just sitting there. Given how promptly she passed through the gap the last two times we were monitoring her, i feel comfortable to assume it's secure now.

It finally rained hard enough for Marlow to want to go in. The input to the tank started exceeding the output.

TUESDAY MORNING:

Turned out there was a kink in the hose and the tank wasn't draining at all. I let the tank drain in the afternoon (maybe 100 gallons) and it was spilling over this morning. I'm not sure how quickly it drains so i didn't want to drain it overnight. I'll watch as i drain it today. It may have also stopped raining for a few hours.

Yesterday, during my last work meeting, i had myself convinced it was Friday afternoon. That was odd.

Procrastination self-destruction at work with a bit of difficulty with Christine's elephants. My own overwhelm makes the second-hand overwhelm that comes from managing elephants harder.

I've often joked about having to work and never being able to retire. I wonder though. Assuming a gift that will come close to paying off this property, i hope that i could manage to retire and -- could this place be a showcase of skill? Could my photography, plant propagation, and botanical skills be solid enough that i could hang out a shingle? Advise you on the qualities of your "weeds" and how to (re) deploy them in your landscape. Propagate sedges and woodland plants for sale. Keep on top of excellent sources for plants. "Weeds to wonders landscaping." I think my sister is interested in doing something similar. I've proposed we talk about it.

Meanwhile, Luigi needs $1k of dental work.

Also, i seem to have encountered some poison ivy. That, or Marlowe grabbed my arm with her claws and somehow injected me with something i am reacting to. Initially i thought it was Marlowe, but i'm gonna go with poison ivy.

So the owner/manager roofers are folks my dad met at "the little bar" just across the county line in Wake county, which has been renamed something else and has more yuppies, per my dad. He notes they are from the Lumbee tribe, which just means i give them a bit more of a pass on being good ol' boys than i would some white guys. Both Christine and i are "sweetie." To which, ... sigh. They are also twins. Anyhow, they did dad's roof and, given his background in construction, i trust his judgement.

They showed up on Tuesday with their crew and commenced to make a racket. Then Peter asked me to take a look at the roof and he explained that the roof had been adhered with an ice and water barrier and with "torch drop" both of which are unnecessary on steep roofs and also make the roof harder to remove than was estimated. The insurance agent represented that that's OK: it can be covered. Whew. It is going to take longer, however.

Peter also can see the dips in the roof that i couldn't quite make out, but with the shingles off, i could make out the issue. Apparently it has something to do with how our modular home didn't quite line up. They've built that up so it won't catch water there.

The guys cleaned up well the first evening, and it turned out they'd put on some of the new shingles as well. I am delighted at how well the desert sand color compliments our weathered cedar siding. The sound of the work has been exhausting.

Today was more of the same. Christine escaped to a movie. The guys left earlier, and i opened the windows to let the fresh air in, and opened the doors for Edward and Carrie. I got a beer and the new BioLite fire pit and sat in the yard and burned sticks enjoying the mild weather and the late afternoon light. The firepit smoked more than i expected, although it smoked less with the fan running than without. The fan keeps it burning hot, and it burned the wood pretty completely. It did burn the sticks quickly, as well, so we may actually burn through the wood pile before it rots away.

Utterly exhausted though: concentrating through the noise is draining me.

Tomorrow i am off to Mom and Dad's. Dad will be going out on his boat and then doing his grocery run.

Work has been intense, although procrastination project isn't getting 50% of my time.