(mom and caa)

[elainegrey]

Posted to a small group of Christine's and my local friends (CChat) 8 pm Sunday:

Mom's condition makes brain bleeds likely, and she has had several large bleeds. There is nothing that can be done but make her as comfortable as possible . Shes been moved to the UNC Hospice facility in Pittsboro . My sister and I will be splitting time being with her until she passes. My brother is coming from Singapore Wed night.

Written for you all after that:

I am at hospice waiting for my sister who wants to stay tonight. I will be back in the morning, Dad will come early and spend their usual special time together.

She is sleeping right now, occasionally having an arm tremor despite plenty of anti seizure (ativan) meds. I don't think she's going to wake. My brother arrives Wednesday night; I don't know what he will find. She has a "Do not intubate" order, sparing all of us a choice.

Dad was bemoaning that he should have been prepared for this day. I noted that he and she WERE prepared. They had their advance directives. They had the DNR & DNI recorded So no anguished decisions

My hope is ... Oh it is so hard to hope. If she survives a week she could have a long drawn out final... who knows? As her brain swells she will get "worse," and the maximum inflammation is at the 5 to 7 day point. So... my brother arrives late on the 4th day.

To an extended family chat:

09:10 L-- spent the night with Mom, Dad came early in the morning and drank coffee with Mom. I walked in the yard this morning and picked some roses. Christine came in with me this morning, and we visited with Dad for a while. Dad's gone home and will be back this afternoon to spend the night here.

09:14 Dad had brought Mom a gardenia, hoping the perfume will comfort her. I'm sitting with her now, listening to her breathe through her mouth, regularly and shallowly. She's been asleep, for lack of a better term, since yesterday afternoon, when Laura and I saw the pain pass over her face as she had seizures, her arms and legs trembling. They're medicating to prevent those.

09:22 I just talked to the nurse. She's going to give Mom some morphine as that will also relax the airways and may make the breathing much more relaxed.



09:37 to the CChat friends:

I've been prepared for this and while it is hard watching my dad feel so much loss, Mom's dementia had progressed a good deal over the past few months. We had begun discussing admitting her to a memory care unit which would have been so hard for her. She and Dad had so much time together these past years, filled with love -- and Mom laughing at Dad's jokes — there is much for me to hold to ease the ache.

09:57 breath every 2.7 sec.

Comments

[sonia]

Sending you and your mom and family best wishes for good care and an easy transition. This sounds so hard.

[elainegrey]

Thanks for this, too.

[tamena]

I wish I had something profound and comforting to say here other than sending you peace and love and the gentlest of hugs.

[elainegrey]

The virtual hugs and wishes for peace are profound enough and comforting. Thank you for this, too.

[cmcmck]

I've been there in recent times as you know.

I hope she travels on easily.

[elainegrey]

And thanks for this too.

[threemeninaboat]

Hugs.

[elainegrey]

They're welcome - thnak you.

[arlie]

Hugs and love from afar.

[elainegrey]

Thank you.

[loligo]

Wishing peace and comfort for your family.

[elainegrey]

Thank you

[(Anonymous)]

Oh I am sorry for all of you, especially your father. I'm glad they can prevent the seizures. May she pass quietly and without pain after your brother gets there.

[weofodthignen]

This was me; I may have hit a wrong button.
M

[elainegrey]

Thank you: my dad is going to be a bit anchorless with the loss of both his mom and his wife.