( adhd, garden, cats )

[elainegrey]

I continue with something i log as "Executive function distress." Distress is generally too strong a word, but --

Just this moment, my attention was called from my  computer by a crows. One landed on the snag pine at the west edge of the meadow. Did the top of the pine sway when they landed? They called out as a peach colored cloud slipped away to the south east against the blue sky. It's a second mild morning in a row. Unfortunately the temperatures are back on a rise, but this morning i sit out with a blanket again. As i reflected that i could set up my SLR with a telephoto and observe that tree and perhaps get some photos i might find well composed -- and get back in those skills -- a humming bird visited the coral colored Agastache.

Everything is so much happier after the 2.15" of rain we got Sunday into Monday.

Yesterday i harvested mulberries for breakfast, then after work the last blackberries, some strawberries, plenty of blueberries -- and the very first four or five harvested figs. High in the tree were some the wasps had already found. One fig was too ripe and joined some ripened but slightly desiccated strawberries in a jar to start the season's vinegar. I wondered if the Aunt Rachel apples were ripe yet but forgot they turned red. This is the first year there's a "harvest" and i've already knocked two out of the tree (one because it had a bad spot and i hoped to stop it from crowding the other i knocked out. I've eaten those -- one baked with cinnamon sugar and butter, the other with peanut butter, so the sharp greenness was a nice counter.

-- back from the reverie -- distress is too strong a word, but the question of care for the yarden points to a bit where the distress can come up. There is so much i want to do. I can feel so tired. I know i work an intense job and a great deal of my executive function is tied up in that work. I try to trust my body (when it says it's tired and needs rest), but BLEEP it's getting BLEEP old. And it shouldn't yet. I wish i knew if i quit work would i rebound? Note to self, Dad (83), who has been looking decidedly fragile and tired, is 27 years older. (So stop telling yourself "20 plus years older" which you round to twenty and then ).... and WOW did i let my mind wander and go off for far too long.

Luigi is off to a vet for an ultrasound. He's got both kidney and hyperthyroid issues. Such a sweetheart.....

Comments

[tamena]

Please get back to composing those images, you are definitely not the only one who will appreciate them =)

what about Twinge? Vex or Fluster maybe? I get it, I feel the same way too about being frustrated except in the opposite direction. I am so much MORE than frustrated. ugh my Brain Weasels won't give up a better way of putting it though

and I love the term Yarden!! that is PERFECT!

[arlie]

I wish i knew if i quit work would i rebound?

Everyone is different, but here's my anecdata point:

My body rebounded somewhat after I retired, but I'm definitely old, though not old-old, at 66 and 9 months. (Of course some of that may have been ongoing recovery from cancer treatment.)

Dealing with this week's heat wave is taking more out of me than it would have a couple of decades ago.

I have to pick good times for things I once could have done any time I wasn't e.g. massively ill.

And I feel as if keeping on top of everything that needs doing is a constant struggle.

But it nonetheless remains under control, helped by judicious choices of what can be outsourced. (There's no point pretending I can handle home maintenance myself any more, for example.)

On the other hand, I suspect I'm living the male retirement pattern - my job was far too much of who I am, and I can find myself at loss for goals that feel worthwhile. Fortunately I'm not taking this to extremes - either seeking a new job post-retirement, or fading away into a grave, 2 years after retirement.

At any rate, good luck, and however you deal with it seems likely to be good enough, if not quite what you'd like it to be, or what it might have been 20 years ago.

[amaebi]

You are so severe with yourself that I’m relieved to hear you say that you’re listening to your body and resting when it asks.

Heat takes it out of nearly everyone.