elainegrey

Me: OK, i am ready to stop the 
       Voice: malingering 
Me: [thin lipped silence]
Me: I am ready to engage in 
       Voice: no you're not. Go play suduko. Read the NYTimes. 
   Perky: Hey, let's play "SILOS"!
       Voice: Give me a break.
Me: I'm not sure where you're from perky, but OK. 

Narrator: "SILOS" is a mnemonic for a list of reactions to pessimistic 
          thoughts.

  Perky: So, is there a silver lining to the distractability this week?
Me  &  Voice: [together] NO.
  Perky: [Looks a little taken aback at Voice's participation.]
  Perky: Um, well, i'm going to write down something about, say, the 
         change of seasons and daylight savings time and -
Me: That's a silver lining?
  Perky: [Looking a little defeated] Well, you know, cycles of nature -
       Voice: I knew this would be a was-
Me: [Cutting Voice off] Right. Good to have a embodied reminder of the
    wheel of the year and the need to slow down. OK. What's next? I...?
       Voice: [Rolls eyes, slumps against the wall, looks bored]
  Perky: [Looking relieved]: Yes, right I... um, I stands for um 
    initiative? No, ummmm...
Me: [Opens notes and reads] SILOS: (look for a) Sliver lining, (re)
    Interpret, Learn, (identify) Opportunities, (is something) 
    Strengthened?
  Perky: OK, how do we reinterpret the week of -
       Voice: MALINGERING.
Me: Let's leave that for last. 
  Perky: [Relieved]
       Voice: You are really going to encourage this one to stay?
Me: [Glares at Voice]
  Perky: [Looks at Me, is encouraged] OK, then what can we learn from
         this past week?
Me: One, reading a novel doesn't always reset my brain. Two, i don't 
    like paperwork and i'm not well motivated to fill out the conflict
    interest forms to serve -
       Voice: Do more work and attend more meetings.
Me: Well - [deep breath] - right. I don't like doing work that makes me 
    review the month either
       Voice: because you do squat
  Perky: [Looks encouragingly at me]
Me: because i am insecure about how much i do. [Pause] This isn't new.
  Perky: Try a little more.
Me: [Pours more tea and looks out at the sunlight]
Me: Oh how i have missed having sunlight!
  Perky: How about you've learned that if you don't keep track of 
         minimal day-to-day status, it's hard to judge if there's 
         remnants of monthly cycles affecting your energy levels.
       Voice: [Looks suspiciously at Perky, under breath] That one is 
              sounding more confident. What gives?
Me: Sure. If i want to thrive, i need to be more clear on what these 
    cycles are. So, knowing today would be sunny helped a little in 
    being patient with the moodiness this week. Whether it was hormones
    or light, the moodiness would shift.
  Perky: Right, this is shifting to reinterpretation.
Me: ok, let me try from the top: 

So, it's been a week of patiently waiting out my lack of motivation and energy. The lack is possibly due to a "perfect storm" of time change, rainy grey weather, and possibly monthly cycle remnants. Last Friday we used some time management tools that put us on a faster pace than was comfortable. Yesterday we used the same tools and managed not to oppress our self with them. Instead of rushing into the race again, i should ease into today, laying a groundwork for effectiveness next week. I shouldn't look to do two weeks of work next week, but just a reasonable amount.

It's worth noting grey bleaknesses can reoccur frequently in the next months. This was a preview in a clear moment, perhaps thankfully when i didn't have deadlines making me miserable. So, maybe there's some way i could take advantage of bright days and prioritizing paper work and other miserable crap on those days, so end of the month reporting is done in small bites when i'm more energized.