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[12/15/21 09:12]
I'm trying to have a fifteen minute meditation in the morning. I settle in with my garden mandala meditation (which i should revisit in a journal entry; i've been using it at least 25 years). I'd asked what i should be doing for a query and the response was: seed, root, shoot, leaf, flower, fruit.... seed. It's a cycle. This morning's reflection is that i should use the metaphor of growth and inventory different parts of myself and my experience.
Psychologically, the ADHD insight is between seed and root. It's a recently planted idea, and in therapy yesterday my therapist observed i am being more compassionate with myself and ... providing myself with the behaviors i want. I believe having a way to frame why somethings are so hard is helping me accept they are hard and slog through imperfectly, instead of feeling the failure.
Spiritually, i feel i am in a root phase, too. Here it's more a seasonal cycle -- my Quaker path took flower and fruited, but the leaves -- where something is giving energy -- have withered. Starting this meditation practice is the stirring of well structured practices that have been dormant after -- a decade? -- of very active Meeting membership.
2021-12-17: side note, my sister's eldest got his ADHD official diagnosis yesterday, my brother was a few weeks ago, and my brother's eldest was diagnosed this past summer (or spring).
Kinesthetically, i have many little seeds. I can tell i need to become intentional to improve my balance, address my joints and posture. I'm not sure whether those seeds will root, but one practice i am getting better at is standing for a small part of my work day. I will see where that goes.
[12/15/21 09:19]
Intellectually, i have two frames. On one hand, my intellectual life is in full leaf, flower, and fruit. My work life falls there, but i think i want to consider separate aspects. Perhaps i should think of the more narrow frame -- Conversationally where am i? This is in some sense a new concern, a combination of the ADHD awareness and new practices at dinner with Christine. I know i've bored Christine when i share my ruminations about the landscape - platns, plants, plants. And thinking about interactions with my family conversationally -- my Dad has a complete rut of topicss and stories, Mom never had any skills at conversation and either vented her criticism or listed everything she needed to do. I've been told i'm a good listener, but i have felt in som many gatherings that i am not seen because i had no way to show who i am.
I'm trying to have a fifteen minute meditation in the morning. I settle in with my garden mandala meditation (which i should revisit in a journal entry; i've been using it at least 25 years). I'd asked what i should be doing for a query and the response was: seed, root, shoot, leaf, flower, fruit.... seed. It's a cycle. This morning's reflection is that i should use the metaphor of growth and inventory different parts of myself and my experience.
Psychologically, the ADHD insight is between seed and root. It's a recently planted idea, and in therapy yesterday my therapist observed i am being more compassionate with myself and ... providing myself with the behaviors i want. I believe having a way to frame why somethings are so hard is helping me accept they are hard and slog through imperfectly, instead of feeling the failure.
Spiritually, i feel i am in a root phase, too. Here it's more a seasonal cycle -- my Quaker path took flower and fruited, but the leaves -- where something is giving energy -- have withered. Starting this meditation practice is the stirring of well structured practices that have been dormant after -- a decade? -- of very active Meeting membership.
2021-12-17: side note, my sister's eldest got his ADHD official diagnosis yesterday, my brother was a few weeks ago, and my brother's eldest was diagnosed this past summer (or spring).
Kinesthetically, i have many little seeds. I can tell i need to become intentional to improve my balance, address my joints and posture. I'm not sure whether those seeds will root, but one practice i am getting better at is standing for a small part of my work day. I will see where that goes.
[12/15/21 09:19]
Intellectually, i have two frames. On one hand, my intellectual life is in full leaf, flower, and fruit. My work life falls there, but i think i want to consider separate aspects. Perhaps i should think of the more narrow frame -- Conversationally where am i? This is in some sense a new concern, a combination of the ADHD awareness and new practices at dinner with Christine. I know i've bored Christine when i share my ruminations about the landscape - platns, plants, plants. And thinking about interactions with my family conversationally -- my Dad has a complete rut of topicss and stories, Mom never had any skills at conversation and either vented her criticism or listed everything she needed to do. I've been told i'm a good listener, but i have felt in som many gatherings that i am not seen because i had no way to show who i am.
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