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Yesterday at work led to this attempt at journaling, "OK, filing this out of cycle change request is like eating live spiders." I squirmed away from the task, i couldn't stop eating (but happily avoided sugar), pursued web distractions. This is a detail-perfect task, instructions on what should be done at 2 am Sunday morning. Penalties for not getting it right include causing an outage and being involved in troubleshooting in the middle of the night (although it's just 11 pm for me, so i'll try to stay up).
Another issue that made the task so repulsive is that it's tied to the misery of the past summer: the problems that caused this past summer's stress have not been resolved. I just understand the problem is so much bigger than me making mistakes that i can now rest with a Han Solo quotation, "It's not my fault!" My current strategy is to spread the misery: if other people confront the morass, then perhaps there will be some political advocacy to repair, at least, the technical gap. However, that means i'm putting someone new in the "Oh, my God, WHAT do i need to do?!" seat, prompting an email from the person expressing disbelief that its such a fiddly manual and complicated process.
I don't know how good they are at this, i don't know if they will get it right, i don't know if i'll be on the phone late Saturday night resolving an outage.
Admittedly, i'd much rather do all this than eat spiders, alive or dead.
But i finished, and i wrote as compassionate and supportive an email to the new victims and let them know that they could call me this morning after 6:15 my time, if they needed.
--==∞==--
Mom sent an email to extended family, including both Christine and her father's wife. I am wondering what this portends. Has she shared with her father's wife Christine's transition despite the near panic that she has at the thought of her father finding out and being upset? Or perhaps she thinks her father's wife won't make the connection. It was very nice that Mom addressed Christine as Christine.
For those of you who missed the saga some years ago: i am close to my mother and not to her father, so, even though i think she's making a mistake in her care for her father, i'm respecting her wishes. It causes me a bit of frustration at times, and i suspect my grandfather senses the mystery and may be worried.
--==∞==--
The person who i have been caring in Meeting for appears to have not surmounted the hurdle to be restored to hir former capacity.
--==∞==--
So this "Satisfaction Finder" talks of the "hounds of more, more, more" and it is in the place of "compassion" where i feel hounded this morning. ( Read more... )
Interesting: this exercise helped me reframe holiday card "shoulds" as well.
Another issue that made the task so repulsive is that it's tied to the misery of the past summer: the problems that caused this past summer's stress have not been resolved. I just understand the problem is so much bigger than me making mistakes that i can now rest with a Han Solo quotation, "It's not my fault!" My current strategy is to spread the misery: if other people confront the morass, then perhaps there will be some political advocacy to repair, at least, the technical gap. However, that means i'm putting someone new in the "Oh, my God, WHAT do i need to do?!" seat, prompting an email from the person expressing disbelief that its such a fiddly manual and complicated process.
I don't know how good they are at this, i don't know if they will get it right, i don't know if i'll be on the phone late Saturday night resolving an outage.
Admittedly, i'd much rather do all this than eat spiders, alive or dead.
But i finished, and i wrote as compassionate and supportive an email to the new victims and let them know that they could call me this morning after 6:15 my time, if they needed.
--==∞==--
Mom sent an email to extended family, including both Christine and her father's wife. I am wondering what this portends. Has she shared with her father's wife Christine's transition despite the near panic that she has at the thought of her father finding out and being upset? Or perhaps she thinks her father's wife won't make the connection. It was very nice that Mom addressed Christine as Christine.
For those of you who missed the saga some years ago: i am close to my mother and not to her father, so, even though i think she's making a mistake in her care for her father, i'm respecting her wishes. It causes me a bit of frustration at times, and i suspect my grandfather senses the mystery and may be worried.
--==∞==--
The person who i have been caring in Meeting for appears to have not surmounted the hurdle to be restored to hir former capacity.
--==∞==--
So this "Satisfaction Finder" talks of the "hounds of more, more, more" and it is in the place of "compassion" where i feel hounded this morning. ( Read more... )
Interesting: this exercise helped me reframe holiday card "shoulds" as well.
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