(no subject)

[elainegrey]

Wednesday: therapist & "wellness coach" present evidence that i am too hard on myself. Have a sense of vertigo as i realize that how i express my intention to change that ... is expressed in a "too hard" manner.

Thursday: started work thinking there were no pressing things so planned to take Friday off. by end of day, pressing things. Still took Friday off. Did take a break mid afternoon to walk Carrie before evening thunderstorms & saw a black snake eating a frog. Carrie didn't really notice that, but a deer across the field? Bow wow wow wow and a dash to chase.

Friday: yard work, significantly on the septic field/meadow. Lots of puttering in the yard. Trip to the dog park.

Saturday: morning a little puttering in the yard and then the afternoon at the Meeting house for "The Art of Fearlessness." Delightful.

Sunday: Wee hour awakening to Carrie collecting clothing to chew on in the living room. Need to crochet a fix to a lace sweater. Meeting for Worship with the message from the Alamance county chapter president of the NAACP, the afternoon at my sister's with her parents-in-law, her husband's sister A, A's husband, and their three kids, and my parents. C had had plans with her sister.

Monday: major tree take down from the end of the septic line, along with a long fire burn and it was so hot. Pondering goats again as there's a section we haven't kept clear. Then to the pet store to buy a dog crate, bed, and many treats & toys for Carrie.

Interspersed within was wrestling with my laptop: after a clean install it's still crashing. This morning i called Apple and the consult person seemed pretty clear that they need to find the issue. I hope they can.

Sigh. I could easily spend several more days working on issues around the house -- the computer distraction is not welcome.

I would love to write more communicative entries, but it's time to go to work. I've hooked the mirror of my laptop up to my photo editing machine and will soon have that set up to manage email and such from while i wait to get my laptop back. And i'm going to start using my work machine -- as i am now -- like i used my personal laptop (morning and evening correspondence etc). Hopefully i'll be able to make some digital recovery steps while waiting for my machine to be fixed.

Comments

[gurdonark]

That's odd that a re-install did not solve the problem. I hope it's not some real hardware flaw.

Carrie deserves lots of treats and toys.

[elainegrey]

We're hoping the cats will see way forward to Carrie being on the bed, too. At least the cats don't really care when Carrie destroys their toys. It's rather nice to have a critter who gets excited about toys purchased for them.

[amaebi]

I think that at the very least you require an awful lot of yourself.

[elainegrey]

The challenge, i suppose, is working in the multiple dimensions of requiring vs desiring, going through motions vs thriving, maintenance vs entertainment, and so on.

sigh.

And then there's the proving to others (latest episode with the laptop) and intrinsic delight.

[johnpalmer]

I've noticed that a lot of good people, who'd never be harsh with a friend, relative, or subordinate, can be downright nasty to themselves, e.g., "it's okay that PersonX did poorly, they're exhausted - god, when was the last time *I* had a good night's sleep? - AND THAT'S WHY I HAVE TO TAKE UP THE SLACK! COME ON ME, YOU LAZY TWERP, GET OFF YOUR ASS AND DO SOMETHING!"

It can be instructive - few people work better when being yelled at, even by themselves :-).

[elainegrey]

Indeed, it was pointed out that i would not approve of talking to anyone else the way i talk to me. You picked up on this before, actually, but you thought it was the therapist leading me to feel guilty about some such, when the language was mine.

[randomdreams]

Have you considered one of those balls into which you insert doggy kibble, and as the dog rolls it around it disperses a little bit of kibble here and there? It might distract from chewing on clothes.

[elainegrey]

We do have a number and variety of toys and chews, including one like that. It's not entirely clear that the collecting-when-we-are-asleep behavior is entirely tied to just wanting something to chew on. She sleeps just fine through the night when closed in the front room, but loose she becomes very restless. I'm hoping that a crate in our bedroom will become her place and she'll settle in there, eventually not needing the door closed.