With neighbors like these... (covid-19, mom and caa)

[elainegrey]

Me to my sister via Apple's Messages, includes cussing:

Me:
        Who is N-- and how worried are you about her COVIDness?
L: 
        What? N--- P--?
Me: 	probably
L:
	Ughhhh... their neighbor
	Damn.
Me: 
	They were sitting far apart.
L:
	What do you know?
	What!
Me: 
	She was visiting M&D with her dogs when i called
L:
	Outside?
Me: 
	[can't] quite find the right emoji for rolling my eyes and 
        "what do you think"
L:
	Motherfuck
	For Christ’s sake!
	DAD!!!!!!!!
Me: 
	So is this just because stranger or because you know that 
        she’s unlikely to have been careful?
L:
	Well, she works in healthcare... but is a trump loving 
        republican as far as I know.
	Sooooo... maybe it’s a hoax.
	But she sure as shit should know better than coming inside a 
        high risk persons home.
Me:
	Well, i don’t think people working in healthcare are that 
        stupid. And she was sitting far away.
	OK, i will write her an email and CC you
L:
	Ughhh... probably best just to harangue dad about risk 
        assessment.
Me: 
	Saying  i appreciate her socializing with M&D but we would 
        like to know what care she has been taking since the house has 
        very poor circulation
	No — lets not harrangue
L:
	Ok :)
Me: 
	This is HARD and it’s HARD to fight decades of socialization
	SO, one we check with N--- and two tomorrow morning i will 
        give dad a knowing look as we sit outside in the humidity.
	I love you — storm is almost here
	gonna go sit outside with a drink.
L:
	Your last two texts are poetry
Me: 
	Did I miss a call again or was that left over from earlier?
	There was the filling of the big pitcher with water, turning 
        off and unplugging things, and otherwise going through rituals 
        to prevent the power from going out.
L::
	Ha!
	That was the call from earlier.
	Hopefully there will be no power loss!
	PS-feel free to tell Nancy that I come daily with my mask on 
        to exercise mom... ffs.
Me:
	208 folks on 15-501 near dogwood acres (just before southern 
        village) with out power

Message to neighbor

Hi N---,

When i saw you visiting, i appreciated knowing that friends and neighbors are reaching out to Mom and Dad. I can imagine Dad being neighborly and wanting you to be comfortable in letting you inside and not asking for you to wear a mask. On the other hand he drives over an hour each way to get groceries where he knows the safety standards are high, at Ft Bragg. It is unlikely that Mom and Dad have mentioned it, but in care for Mom after her stroke, cat scans revealed Mom has pulmonary fibrosis, the cause as yet undiagnosed. With impaired lung functioning, we're concerned for Mom. Even before the current concern for COVID, it's extremely important that Mom not catch a respiratory infection.

Their house is well insulated -- not much air exchange -- so distance is only so effective. My sister is there daily helping Mom do exercises and wearing a mask, just in case. I hope that you might put Laura's and my mind at ease and let us know that you've been fairly isolated these months and you are unlikely to have some chain of exposure.

I know how hard these times are, and know that the love you expressed by visiting is irreplaceable. Our parents are irreplaceable for us, though, and we spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to help Dad as we see him slipping here and there.

Thanks for considering our concerns,

[me]

Meanwhile, i'm horrified and despairing and releasing attachment. Outrage? Release attachment. Thinking of Mom hospitalized again. Releasing attachment. I hope their neighbor N will be more careful in the future. I am worried about Dad -- depressed and tired -- and how well he navigates things. If i could just get Trump out of his mind -- so many mental cycles are wasted being horrified and coming up with crazy plans to somehow make things better. And with Dad's judgement so erratic.... although, i believe he REALLY goes to the base because it's cheaper and not because it's safer, so maybe he's worried but fatalistic.

UGH.

Comments

[threemeninaboat]

PARENTS.

[gurdonark]

Definitely a concern.

[cmcmck]

You were a lot politer than I would have been for sure!

[elainegrey]

I'm butting in, so i figure being polite is important. This is someone my Dad might need to call if Mom falls and he can't get her up, or if there was an emergency or whatever. So, trying to not make the world worse... Also, who knows if they've been meeting for months on end. I do wonder now how seriously my Dad is taking this.

[amaebi]

Wow, that letter is an apex of diplomacy.