(no subject)

[elainegrey]

Not sure what yesterday's problem with the phone was that siblings couldn't hear me -- maybe wifi reception where i was sitting? as i was using the wifi and not cell signal. But i used it as the signal to buy a phone NOW and not wait to see if there's a sale in June. I didn't quite make three years with the same phone, which is disappointing.

--== ∞ ==--

NY Times is full in on vaccinated people doing whatever they want, "The vaccine virtually eliminates serious versions of Covid-19 and radically reduces the chances you could contract or spread the virus. For you, Covid is akin to a mild flu that you probably won’t get. You are not at any meaningful risk from a maskless person in the supermarket who may or may not be vaccinated. You face much more danger from the vehicles in the parking lot."

I really really wish we had better data about Long COVID in vaccinated people.

--== ∞ ==--

Meeting for Business yesterday, one more to go. We now have video surveillance outside of the Meeting House with hardly a moment of reflection. When i suggested holding over - we were running late, some folks hadn't heard of the cause of the surveillance -- someone shouted, "No."

This prioritization is in line with my understanding of the goals of the community -- maintaining the historic meeting house. Whether surveillance is welcoming or not part of the consideration.

Next month is my last meeting for business.

--== ∞ ==--

I spent hours after meeting for business untangling feelings about my brother's situation and my sister's judgements about my parents. I think i'm coming down with seeing a balance of happiness vs by-the-book. I hope my sister and i can have some discussions with people with experience who can help us navigate choices.

I also did a "Experiment with Light" meditation. I do need to practice to get back to a hour of silent meditation.

I eventually made it outside -- the day had been cool. I broke more ground for planting in the drive circle -- So. Much. Driveway gravel. mixed into the remarkably nice soil. I don't think it will bother the basil and ground cherries. I put in a few okra before remembering some deer do eat okra. We'll see how these plants manage.

I've a bunch of impulse purchase plants to get in, and two more trays of seedlings.

Comments

[elainegrey]

I've tried labyrinth walking and the incredibly unspecified Quaker worship practice (open worship, waiting worship, silent worship). An external observer of an "unprogrammed" meeting for Quaker worship would observe people sitting down in the space (frequently, chairs in rows facing the center of the room, more or less). The sitting may begin ten to fifteen minutes before the appointed time, and these early sitters would likely be remarkably still (not flipping through books or looking at phones etc). By the appointed time most planning to attend will be in the space, sitting. Some few might be reading, children might be a little restless. Frequently the children will exit after fifteen minutes (or join at the end for the last fifteen minutes). Usually it would take at least fifteen minutes before anyone speaks -- often a half hour. There's a somewhat derogatory term of "popcorn meeting" for one where many people stand and speak. And there's

[warriorsavant]

Thank you. What do you feel it has done for you?

[elainegrey]

[the post happened by accident] -- continuing -- There's a somewhat derogatory term of "popcorn meeting" for one where many people stand and speak. And there's a stereotype of messages which begin with "I read in the Times" or "heard on NPR" "this morning" or "this week" as being -- not as valuable a contribution. Then, more or less at the end of the hour, someone will turn to another person and shake their hand and say "Meeting will rise."

What one does in that hour (more or less) of silence (more or less) varies. For me, there have been a few different rewarding patterns. I'll frame them psychologically and not theologically, but i can switch frames if you are curious. The first pattern begins with a guided meditation i developed for myself. It's a symbol-rich complex mental space, and over the years i found my imagination taking the symbols and presenting them in ways that comforted me or challenged me (or both). Sometimes more symbols would be inserted. An example would be a visualized space of a peach orchard on a pleasant summer day, where i bite into the rich sweet juicy peach, and think of it as a gift of courage. Once, the peach transformed into my beating heart. The etymology of the word courage from the Latin, cor, heart, came to mind, along with traditions -- and instead of taking a peach of a tree as the gift of courage, i found the sense of my own heart as the seat of a gift of courage to be much more personal and visceral (*cough*).

There have been times when the messages people share trigger insights or when a strong sense of community colors the experience. This is less visual and less easily described.

And there've been times i am wrestling with a concern, and in the discipline of sitting in silence i'm able to develop clarity. In some ways, my current therapy sessions talking through things meets this need, but the practice of sitting open and waiting for insight has been just as powerful.

So, i'd say the benefits have been developing a greater capacity for joy and compassion, a confident clarity in decision making, and a less easily distressed state of being.

[warriorsavant]

Fairly impressive list of benefits. I was asking, because frankly, I’d never gotten anything out of meditating, so was curious because you seem to have done so. On the other hand - please understand that I’m not trying to be rude or belittling, I’m genuinely seeking understanding here - you are still in therapy. To my mind, if the meditation “worked,” then why would you need the therapy. Or do they address different issues?

I’m more interested in the psychological framework, but I would be interested in the theological framework also, if you have the energy to add that.

[elainegrey]

Well, everything is relative, right? Take one person, raised by athletic parents, who learns a healthy diet and regular exercise from birth. Take another person, raised by misinformed parents, who have a poor diet and when they engage in exercise, encourage poor ergonomics. Both can seek coaches and both can become more functional. The first might be looking to become a professional athlete, while the second might just want to be more in shape for day to day challenges. And yes, in some ways, having a coach or therapist addresses different things than regular exercises that build up various capacities.

I feel that i have a number of factors in my life that call for a bit more day to day compassion than average. I went to therapy after we moved here because i felt my patience wearing thin and i needed to increase that capacity. I stopped that therapy after getting my patience back and titrating off an antidepressant. I haven't practiced hour long meditation since moving five years ago. Would i have turned to therapy if i had had that weekly exercise? (The med change i would have needed someone to monitor, but the patience and compassion need might have been met with meditation.)

I restarted with the pandemic out of caution: I know i learned bad mental habits from my parents and experienced emotional abuse, while also inheriting genes for depression. (I also learned some other excellent habits and missed being saddled with some of the appearance oriented dysfunction that many women i know got saddled with, so it's not all bleak.)

I'm not sure meditation would have helped me with the skill i have been learning this year, which is how to leave relationships that are not helping me (but not actively harming me). I've cut ties with only one person in my life, and it took their constant repeats of behaviors that i asked them to stop before i finally took that step. I'm realizing how often i engage in something that isn't rewarding for me because i perceive other people in some way depending on me. I do it because i "should" and not because there's some other value than that "should." Would i have asked myself the right questions? Or would i have persisted in the mental rut. I'm not sure. Sometimes i've had an insight in meditation that bumped me out of ruts, such a surprising thought it's hard to believe it's mine.

[warriorsavant]

Very interesting, thoughtful, and thought-provoking response. Thank you.