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Much going on. Mom's birthday was on Wednesday, and I went out with my sister, her son, and my Dad, returning with them to home and a condolence cheesecake that i had saved to share, as cheesecake was my mom's favorite (or what my dad thought of as my mom's favorite).
Thursday i found much work from Tuesday and Wednesday was lost. I was in a bit of a funk. Then the Queen died, triggering what i think was displaced grief. And then Christine was triggered and went a little porcupine. I made the mistake of trying to be an advisor and triggered her more.
Lately i've reflected on how judged she felt by my parents, a horrible situation where a bank error and organizational failure to remove her from the organization's bank account after she resigned as treasurer led to her being accused of theft, and other ways people accused and judged her that piled up. She's never been not judgemental but after being judged unfairly -- and i suspect the dysphoria for decades, and then receiving the treatment and suspicion of transgender persons who didn't quite fit when she first transitioned also created a sense of unfair judgement -- she seems to pull on being judgemental like armor. Instead of moving through the world shielded and then dropping to be vulnerable, she moves through the world vulnerable and pulls on this judgemental armor after she's been hurt. With me, she's shared more clearly how she's hurt. It's taught me, shown me the way i used my intellect as a battering ram in my teens and in early graduate school: i've learned to listen much better. But with others, she won't share her vulnerability after she's been wounded. But, i am not her therapist. I know she works -- and progresses -- at being better with being in the world. I can focus on being my own therapist.
I didn't hit my 7k steps Wednesday or Thursday, inhibited by the muggy miserable weather, plus stuff. I didn't walk today because it was ALL MEETINGS. I did walk a bit after work and vaccine and visiting Dad with Christine and Carrie, but still didn't get to 7k.
I've gotten my flu shot and one of the new bivalent COVID vaccines, just in time for it to come to full strength before i go to the office in Ohio for a week.
We've also gone through another round of vehicle shopping and will be replacing our 24 year old Ranger truck with a 12 year old Jeep Grand Cherokee, picking up the vehicle later this morning.
--== ∞ ==--
Since Tuesday i have been obsessing over sauce recipes. I read through a copycat Heinz 57 from scratch recipe which called for tomato paste, ketchup, Worcestershire sauce, and Dijon mustard. I then looked up how to make ketchup, Worcestershire sauce, and dijon mustard from scratch. There were MANY overlaps in ingredients. I had known about tamarind and anchovies in Worcestershire sauce (also in the Heinz 57 recipe). Ketchup apparently needs a touch of celery seed. The copycat Heinz 57 sauce recipe, ketchup, and Worcestershire sauce all called for mustard powder, so the addition of Dijon to the copycat recipe stood out.
I've imagined what ingredients we have locally that i could use. For spices, magnolia flowers have a ginger-cardamon note. The Carolina allspice has spice and citrus notes. The figs. Fennel instead of celery seed, maybe coriander. The cayenne pepper has miraculously stretched above the weeds and is setting fruit. I've got the walking onions. I imagine when the sumac is mature enough to set fruit and i can use its berries for the citrusy tart spice.
I figure a mushroom can contribute umami to a sauce, because sardines and anchovies are not staples in this household, and i can't imagine using them all up. I note after a little research that anchovy paste is a thing and conceivably lasts forever in its tube.
Friday I made a wonderful sauce that falls in the "steak sauce" family, but no tomato. Reminiscent of Worcestershire but thicker, like ketchup and mustard. Many very ripe figs, a dried mushroom, a wedge of preserved lime, fermented ginger, pickled red onion, cider vinegar, molasses, liquid smoke, mustard, red pepper flakes, and black pepper. I only measured the mustard, the rest was what seemed reasonable at the moment. I think the fig+preserved lime create tamarind-like notes. The preserved lime and fermented ginger had much salt. The pickled onions had clove and cinnamon maybe: i think i added spices to the brine. The trick of letting the mustard powder and water blend sit for a while to develop mustard heat before fixing the heat with vinegar really added a punch.
I think this could be a fun skill to develop.
Here's a weird document -- is it from an AI? https://eatdelights.com/anchovy-paste-shelf-life/ It claims that sweet anchovy paste is used in buttercream frosting?
Thursday i found much work from Tuesday and Wednesday was lost. I was in a bit of a funk. Then the Queen died, triggering what i think was displaced grief. And then Christine was triggered and went a little porcupine. I made the mistake of trying to be an advisor and triggered her more.
Lately i've reflected on how judged she felt by my parents, a horrible situation where a bank error and organizational failure to remove her from the organization's bank account after she resigned as treasurer led to her being accused of theft, and other ways people accused and judged her that piled up. She's never been not judgemental but after being judged unfairly -- and i suspect the dysphoria for decades, and then receiving the treatment and suspicion of transgender persons who didn't quite fit when she first transitioned also created a sense of unfair judgement -- she seems to pull on being judgemental like armor. Instead of moving through the world shielded and then dropping to be vulnerable, she moves through the world vulnerable and pulls on this judgemental armor after she's been hurt. With me, she's shared more clearly how she's hurt. It's taught me, shown me the way i used my intellect as a battering ram in my teens and in early graduate school: i've learned to listen much better. But with others, she won't share her vulnerability after she's been wounded. But, i am not her therapist. I know she works -- and progresses -- at being better with being in the world. I can focus on being my own therapist.
I didn't hit my 7k steps Wednesday or Thursday, inhibited by the muggy miserable weather, plus stuff. I didn't walk today because it was ALL MEETINGS. I did walk a bit after work and vaccine and visiting Dad with Christine and Carrie, but still didn't get to 7k.
I've gotten my flu shot and one of the new bivalent COVID vaccines, just in time for it to come to full strength before i go to the office in Ohio for a week.
We've also gone through another round of vehicle shopping and will be replacing our 24 year old Ranger truck with a 12 year old Jeep Grand Cherokee, picking up the vehicle later this morning.
--== ∞ ==--
Since Tuesday i have been obsessing over sauce recipes. I read through a copycat Heinz 57 from scratch recipe which called for tomato paste, ketchup, Worcestershire sauce, and Dijon mustard. I then looked up how to make ketchup, Worcestershire sauce, and dijon mustard from scratch. There were MANY overlaps in ingredients. I had known about tamarind and anchovies in Worcestershire sauce (also in the Heinz 57 recipe). Ketchup apparently needs a touch of celery seed. The copycat Heinz 57 sauce recipe, ketchup, and Worcestershire sauce all called for mustard powder, so the addition of Dijon to the copycat recipe stood out.
I've imagined what ingredients we have locally that i could use. For spices, magnolia flowers have a ginger-cardamon note. The Carolina allspice has spice and citrus notes. The figs. Fennel instead of celery seed, maybe coriander. The cayenne pepper has miraculously stretched above the weeds and is setting fruit. I've got the walking onions. I imagine when the sumac is mature enough to set fruit and i can use its berries for the citrusy tart spice.
I figure a mushroom can contribute umami to a sauce, because sardines and anchovies are not staples in this household, and i can't imagine using them all up. I note after a little research that anchovy paste is a thing and conceivably lasts forever in its tube.
Friday I made a wonderful sauce that falls in the "steak sauce" family, but no tomato. Reminiscent of Worcestershire but thicker, like ketchup and mustard. Many very ripe figs, a dried mushroom, a wedge of preserved lime, fermented ginger, pickled red onion, cider vinegar, molasses, liquid smoke, mustard, red pepper flakes, and black pepper. I only measured the mustard, the rest was what seemed reasonable at the moment. I think the fig+preserved lime create tamarind-like notes. The preserved lime and fermented ginger had much salt. The pickled onions had clove and cinnamon maybe: i think i added spices to the brine. The trick of letting the mustard powder and water blend sit for a while to develop mustard heat before fixing the heat with vinegar really added a punch.
I think this could be a fun skill to develop.
Here's a weird document -- is it from an AI? https://eatdelights.com/anchovy-paste-shelf-life/ It claims that sweet anchovy paste is used in buttercream frosting?
Tags:
Boggling
There's this Japanese recipe for fried, dried anchovies in coated with brown sugar and chillie powder. https://runawayspoon.wordpress.com/2009/12/11/spicy-sweet-anchovies-dilis/
But still, i can't imagine that in buttercream.