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I continue in this cycle of feeling crinkly and dissatisfied and frustrated since mid-early June -- essentially from the point when "I'm recovering from surgery" ceased being an explanation for anything. There have been many excuses, and on the whole i lean towards accepting that i was carrying things in emotional and social dimensions that limited my spoons in the take care of self and yard dimensions.
The video game distraction, though, is real. Squee! I admit that, having watched Christine work out how to solve various issues in Jedi Survivor, i have faith in some of the hand-eye coordination passages instead of having the "maybe there's something else i should be doing/have done." I've managed to complete some bits that got her stuck because i know it's just a matter of timing and coordination. I also began by helping her, noticing visual cues and calling them to her attention, including "There's another one behind you."
And i've been reading. Sunday i read three novels -- the Iroshi trilogy by Cary Osborne -- that bother me a bit with something stuck in my metaphorical mental teeth. I like the justification for swords in space: weapons that are going to puncture habitat and ship walls are problematic. The alien cause of telepathy powers is interesting, although the aliens really aren't so very alien. Maybe what bothers me is the narrative omission: once the main character trusts the aliens in the first book, there's a gap between books where the hard work of recruiting others to trust the aliens occurs? And maybe the universe building feels just a little sketchy? Again, a gap between the first and second books takes a "nobody" to a politically significant persona. It doesn't compare favorably to Arkady Martine's A memory called empire.
I had an interaction with Dad today that left me feeling fragile: i was doing my best to accommodate his sense of urgency to get rid of some stuff (by coming over and taking a look). I don't think he really heard my repeat of "earliest possible time" in the spirit it was said. I'm glad we rescheduled, but i'm a little resentful at the pressure (particularly since he had other plans for the evening and was trying to squeeze me in. I called my sister to vent, she reciprocated with frustration over Dad's recalcitrance in handling his hearing issues. I don't know how we're going to get him to deal with his hearing. He doesn't withdraw, nor does he continue as he was with assumptions and not listening, so all that's good. But the way he interrogates about the words he doesn't hear (generally, he wasn't expecting to hear the word and he knows he didn't hear it right) puts the other person as the one with the issue. The other person used a strange or surprising word. Or pronounced it oddly. Or whatever. He's not taking the responsibility still. SIGH.
Christine's elephants have been around off and on. [Here "elephants" derive from "elephant in the room" and refer to issues that are Christine's and not mine to share in a broad way. I stretch the metaphor.] My toes were trampled on once, and then the elephants caused a significant change of her plans to do something nice for herself. She's worked hard on her own, but she's been unhappy with how the ways she's coped constrained her. I've pointed out that maybe there were other solutions someone could help her with for ... a while now. But when the elephants stood on my toes, it reached the point of me saying she should go get help. The way the elephants changed her plans underscored the severity of the issue. She's off for an intake appointment after lots of back and forth about all the paperwork and documents she was asked to fill out before meeting the person. The first person she reached out to wouldn't budge -- although this maybe clinic staff enforcing a practice without asking higher ups about requirements.
One person told her that she had to sign things so they could contact insurance, which - NOT TRUE. HIPAA expressly allows patient information to flow to insurers. https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/for-professionals/privacy/laws-regulations/index.html The second office seemed to be insisting and, after Christine let them know she'd be looking elsewhere, the admin checked with the clinic director who said only the consent to receive treatment was necessary. The director then entered into communication with Christine about the paperwork because they wanted to address any unclear terms. (Including screen grabs of their own documents?) The consent to receive treatment document ended with a sentence fragment.
Does no one but Christine and I read this stuff? Rhetorical. Sigh.
The video game distraction, though, is real. Squee! I admit that, having watched Christine work out how to solve various issues in Jedi Survivor, i have faith in some of the hand-eye coordination passages instead of having the "maybe there's something else i should be doing/have done." I've managed to complete some bits that got her stuck because i know it's just a matter of timing and coordination. I also began by helping her, noticing visual cues and calling them to her attention, including "There's another one behind you."
And i've been reading. Sunday i read three novels -- the Iroshi trilogy by Cary Osborne -- that bother me a bit with something stuck in my metaphorical mental teeth. I like the justification for swords in space: weapons that are going to puncture habitat and ship walls are problematic. The alien cause of telepathy powers is interesting, although the aliens really aren't so very alien. Maybe what bothers me is the narrative omission: once the main character trusts the aliens in the first book, there's a gap between books where the hard work of recruiting others to trust the aliens occurs? And maybe the universe building feels just a little sketchy? Again, a gap between the first and second books takes a "nobody" to a politically significant persona. It doesn't compare favorably to Arkady Martine's A memory called empire.
I had an interaction with Dad today that left me feeling fragile: i was doing my best to accommodate his sense of urgency to get rid of some stuff (by coming over and taking a look). I don't think he really heard my repeat of "earliest possible time" in the spirit it was said. I'm glad we rescheduled, but i'm a little resentful at the pressure (particularly since he had other plans for the evening and was trying to squeeze me in. I called my sister to vent, she reciprocated with frustration over Dad's recalcitrance in handling his hearing issues. I don't know how we're going to get him to deal with his hearing. He doesn't withdraw, nor does he continue as he was with assumptions and not listening, so all that's good. But the way he interrogates about the words he doesn't hear (generally, he wasn't expecting to hear the word and he knows he didn't hear it right) puts the other person as the one with the issue. The other person used a strange or surprising word. Or pronounced it oddly. Or whatever. He's not taking the responsibility still. SIGH.
Christine's elephants have been around off and on. [Here "elephants" derive from "elephant in the room" and refer to issues that are Christine's and not mine to share in a broad way. I stretch the metaphor.] My toes were trampled on once, and then the elephants caused a significant change of her plans to do something nice for herself. She's worked hard on her own, but she's been unhappy with how the ways she's coped constrained her. I've pointed out that maybe there were other solutions someone could help her with for ... a while now. But when the elephants stood on my toes, it reached the point of me saying she should go get help. The way the elephants changed her plans underscored the severity of the issue. She's off for an intake appointment after lots of back and forth about all the paperwork and documents she was asked to fill out before meeting the person. The first person she reached out to wouldn't budge -- although this maybe clinic staff enforcing a practice without asking higher ups about requirements.
One person told her that she had to sign things so they could contact insurance, which - NOT TRUE. HIPAA expressly allows patient information to flow to insurers. https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/for-professionals/privacy/laws-regulations/index.html The second office seemed to be insisting and, after Christine let them know she'd be looking elsewhere, the admin checked with the clinic director who said only the consent to receive treatment was necessary. The director then entered into communication with Christine about the paperwork because they wanted to address any unclear terms. (Including screen grabs of their own documents?) The consent to receive treatment document ended with a sentence fragment.
Does no one but Christine and I read this stuff? Rhetorical. Sigh.
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About comms: It's so underconsidered, underinvested-in, and generally treated as Fertile Blame Territory, while also being an area profound personal tenderness. I don't usually bother trying, but sometimes I deliver a little lecture on how a communication involves a source, an intended message, an encoding of it, its transmission over a channel, its arrival at reception equipment, and the interpretation of the signal that's arrived-- with error, ineptness, individual attributes like context, noise and loss t every stage.
I hate being patient.
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Hope some of this stress relents for you and yours soon.