(observe, f&f, mom and caa)

[elainegrey]

I took Friday off and spent some time working on the document my sibs and i are sharing about our parents, then joined my parents and "took" them to the arboretum at NC State. I offered to drive but acknowledged to Dad he might be more relaxed if he drove. So, he did. I observed them and noted Mom's periodic confusion and Dad's exhaustion. My sister has a certain amount of energy about problems and solutions that seemed like something more. Christine put her finger on it: there are the fundamental non-fixable problems and frustration with that reality leads to fixing non-problems (or, at least, non-root-problems). As an example, my sister wrote a mini essay about why the vehicles act as a barrier for my dad to take my mom places. I note, that (a) they didn't go places when i was growing up except beach, mountains, to visit family, church, (b) Mom was becoming a TV couch potato before the stroke, (c) Dad took Mom to the beach and to visit her siblings (only her sister showed) the week before. The vehicle is not the issue. Sure, it could be easier, but that's not the barrier. Mom's confusion about where we were on the drive home? I imagine that's hard for my father.

Dad is so exhausted. I am thinking about taking a week off work and coming by mid morning (so as to give me a little vacation) and leaving after getting Mom to bed. Will talk to sister about scheduling and strategizing.

I am planning THREE events: Christine's long time friends from music camp will come by Sunday night (Yay long weekend). My extended family will come over a Saturday afternoon in early June and my sister's family & my parents for Father's Day lunch. (and i am trying to manage my worry about my particularly energetic niblings and my dear landscape. Then hosting Father's day. This is much for us. Under normal conditions, Christine can only manage so much socializing and she builds up dread in advance. I hope that the approaching anniversaries of her father's birthday, death, and father's day plus the wave of visits can be not overwhelming for her. But that means that i need to be a little proactive.... Not like we were in practice, but now after pandemic.... I am thankful that outside is particularly attractive these days of COVID because our home interior is designed for us to live in comfortably -- not for any additional humans.

Yesterday i spent a good bit of time planning and dealing with details. Yard could have used more time.

Comments

[tamena]

there was a discussion on facebook in one of my groups about how people seem so "off" right now, everyone is blaming COVID - if you've had it you have brain fog, if you worked through it you're exhausted/PTSDing almost and burnt out, if you were stuck at home you're shell shocked
I can completely understand Christine's level of anxiety under normal circumstances, adding all that stuff to it just makes matters worse.
I hope everything goes smoothly and the weekend is wonderfully enjoyable for you all. I can't wait to be able to be social again - no clue when that will happen though with everything I have going on :(

[elainegrey]

I think it would be hard to deal with simply an injury. Injury plus incompetence and unfairness is so maddening.

I put a tickler about the farmer's market in my calendar. Might be a while because ^^^^ (and then going to Florida to be with my grandmother and pondering ways to give my Dad respite) but it's there!

[tamena]

I was thinking about the market the other day - it excites me LOL that's scary, all I want to do it go plant shopping because there are vendors with amazing hard to find house plants!! oh and maybe some veggies n fruit hehehe.
I can't wait to meet you guys!!!!!

[gurdonark]

Planning three events at a time is planning two more events at a time more than my current ability to plan.

[elainegrey]

But chess!

I jest.

The only plus i can think of is that they do sort of inform each other.

[gurdonark]

I like, too, that in family event planning the main problem is to solve one logistic--proximity--because the other things seem to fall into place somehow.

[amaebi]

I so much admire your continuing care of your parents.

[elainegrey]

Oh my, you were thinking about me as i was thinking about you this morning.

My sister provides a great deal of practical care too: i'm fortunate that my father and sister are part of caring for my mother. It makes it far less overwhelming.

[amaebi]

I am also glad of your family working to support your mother and each other. :) For you and for them and for all of you.