(mom and caa, f&f, family archives)

[elainegrey]

From a chat thread with my siblings and father, just archiving:

Me: So, i was looking through Mom papers and came across notes of me giving an ultimatum about Christine's and my wedding in early May (the same time N-- had chickenpox and was having exams). It appears Dad that you talked to [your mother] and [your step mother] about it, and N-- and L-- - you all were consulted as well. Was it simply that we wanted a much smaller number of people than Mom was planning? I have no recall. Just curious!

My brother: I don’t recall. Time travel into the memories of XX yo N-- (esp at that time ) is tough. My attitude would likely have been the smirking indifference of a teenage egotist (not proud now, tough to be on the business end of it). My more distinct memory was the impression of Mom being focused on the wedding when I was prepping for college and starting college. Don’t recall substance.

My sister: Same. Here are my memories: great excitement that you were getting married, mom wanted it to be lovely, [one cousin] and I would have matching dresses, miffed I have horrible acne and no boobs, and upset that my afterthought birthday cake was gross (chocolate with cherries soaked in a liqueur).

My brother: L-- would have been XX? I understand now that I would have been particularly focused on things I was focusing on as an XX year old exiting. I was ambitious and apprehensive and tunnel visioning as an ADHD carrot chaser would be. I was happy for you but not focusing on the home front. I have a clear and fond memory of running errands with Christine just before the ceremony (I remember the music in the car was loud but I forgot the band). I remember the planning thanksgiving in Edenton.**

I am not proud of the brashness of my remembered self, but trying to be honest about it. Running 8k at sunrise will do that

Dad: Wow! Was that 1992 or 91. My memories are more about our time at Fort Belvoir and planning or gifts. Do remember that any suggestions on my part wound up in the book if unread plans. Thought it turned out as a beautiful wedding. I was probably talking to my mother and [my stepmother] about an extra room…lol… as you read her stuff I truly believe you need to think it was written for her folks point of view… they were her judges .

Me: The extensive planning and organization she did to make it a lovely gathering comes through in this first bit of notes. It's possible the box contains other details that will clarify.
Thanks all for checking your memories!

Comments

[spiffikins]

It is so funny how things that are SO IMPORTANT at the time, end up just absolutely irrelevant and not even part of our memories!

Up until recently, I would have sworn on a stack of bibles that I remembered all of the important things that have happened in my life - but a few months ago, I ran into a situation where I could literally not remember when it was that I went to visit my brother in Toronto and my friend in Europe - I remember both trips, they were Big Deals - I remember they both happened during "reading week" in February while I was in University. I remember where I was living when I went to Europe - but I do not recall where I was living when I went to Toronto - so I cannot place it in my timeline.

[amaebi]

"That was the year the well ran dry...."

[elainegrey]

I'm suddenly imagining making a game for my siblings and father: propose a shared event and see how many other contextual things we can remember about that event.

[amaebi]

That really sounds brilliant.

I have very slowly begun asking my six-years-older brother questions to see if he heard more or otherwise could fill out idiosyncratic remembered things about our parents. So fr he has always known less than I, sadly.

[elainegrey]

And what i'm grappling with right now is -- how important is it for me to have the documents at hand where i can look that sort of stuff up?

[tamena]

and people who know me wonder why I journal every day?
My brain can't hold everything and where there's drama/trauma/shit hitting fan things happening I don't trust my brain at all
it does help to have others to add the color content for sure =)
my brothers and I have discussed our teen years in the P household. The baby has a VERY different memory of how things went down. My Mom? completely delusional about it all, mine and mid bro's recollections are aligned almost perfectly

[elainegrey]

Heh, i journal for future me, for sure.

[tamena]

same =) Jeff realized a LONG time ago what a treasure trove of info can be in these things and he's asked me to go try to find when something happened LOL. I told him to go keep his own damned journal! He pouted