elainegrey

I was actually able to get a couple of loads of laundry done just before Meeting: Christine was left to fold. I also finished winding up the huge balls of purple cotton yarn i'd dyed for a friend.

The swift doesn't function as smoothly as i'd like. ( design notes )

Meeting was good, although self-oriented. I realized that i've "burned" away all (many of) the distracting "shoulds" in my private life. I feel mostly independent of external demands and expectations. I now have room to listen. And then, when i got to my meditation about the gift of wisdom, i felt an overwhelming sense of NOW, a sense that i am now ready to receive that "wisdom." "Wisdom" is a loaded term, and i think my expectations are not of "wisdom of Solomon" type wisdom, but correct prioritization of the moments in my life "wisdom." The Quaker term would be a state of "clearness," "being clear." (I don't think Friends often use the term "clarity" despite the dictionary reporting that the current sense of the word clarity originated in the early 17th century and Friends were formed mid 17th century. Still too newfangled a term for early Friends?)

The overwhelming sense of Now, the sense of a potential way of being that is easier, brought on a huge emotional sense of relief (and the awareness of the held back stresses). I consciously chose to step away from the experience and turned to thinking about crochet and dyeing clothes, and used that as a place of replenishment, before returning to that experience of relief. I think i was able to pace my experience to keep from being completely overwhelmed: and that too is a wonderful sense of competence, of being able to choose not to be completely washed away in emotion.

And, the moments set aside to think creatively were also productive. I came up with a design for my purple altered sweater ( notes )

I also felt inspired about another dye plan: ( dye thoughts )

Errands at meeting and errands on the way home, then lunch watching "Cake Boss," latest guilty pleasure. I ripped out the effusive purple thread work and worked up a proof of principle piece to show my design concept was possible. Called Mom and Dad, groceries, mental prep for the work day including determining my strategy and tactics for dealing with the work surprise from Friday. No exercise but felt exhausted.

Health:( details )

Yesterday's watching (and crocheting) included Pittsburgh, a Jeff Goldblum documentary/comedy/mocumentary.... I'm not familiar with The Music Man so i don't know how traumatic it is to see Jeff Goldblum playing that part. If Christine's reaction was any measure, it's quite painful. There's some loving shots of the bridges in Pittsburgh, a wierd failed romance between Illeana Douglas & Moby, and a very annoying conceit with Jeff Goldblums' 23 year old fiancée. I think i found the conceit most annoying, wondering how Catherine Wreford's near invisibility affected her. Her character in the film is so shallowly portrayed (she knits!), and her role is simply to be there so Jeff Goldblum can bounce his anxiety about acting on the stage off of her.

Finding this bit of news about a subsequent play in London with Goldblum and Wreford i'm left hoping that their engagement was real and their dis-engagement left Goldblum with the need to shield her person in the film Pittsburgh.

***

Crocheting this second motif for the shoe upper (see http://www.flickr.com/photos/elainegreycats/4034968852/) is an interesting exercise in re-creativity. Christine fusses at me for not documenting my code -- the pattern i developed -- and i claim the documentation is in the piece. (*Snort* yup, undocumented code.) On the first piece, i'm creating: what can i do for the next row? how will it look? On the second piece: is this going to look the same? It's more worry and less delight. I give myself permission to not duplicate but simply make something that will look similar enough to someone talking to me, but make no attempt to replicate stitch by stitch.

***

Our observance of Halloween was muted. A Friend i met in February died during the day after a long bout with a chronic illness. Through a caringbridge.org blog she and then her partner shared the story of their letting go. Their intentionality and willingness to be present with the realities bought back the echoes of things Friend L shared in worship in February. She had the blessing of (near) cognitive clarity to the end and the ability to make many choices about how she was cared for and treated: Friend M is a doctor and that probably provided an ease that others might not have. I think back to the death of a Friend in my Meeting earlier this year, another death that Friends found to be just as much a giving as a taking. My thoughts are mixed: i'm aware of privilege and "luck" just as much as i am of the gentle simplicity and sad joy that their stories tell. I think of Christine and the shadow crossing her face as she looked at her mother dressed as Cruella d'Ville for Halloween: would her mother have willingly pretended to carry a cigarette holder before her mind began to go?

I did eat candy corn: i am reminded that sweets seem to be mood altering and not in a good way.

Our pumpkins sit un-carved: orange veggie/fruit for later meals.

Our kitchen has come back from the brink. I must rent a rug shampooer. I tried again to use our little mini "steam" cleaner and find the fixture that sprays the solution clogged. I wonder if i should find someone who would like to fix and have it. It does suck some of the water out as i cleaned spots, leaving anti-spots on the dingy carpet. Our table has been covered again with stuff for months. Household ickies acted as a bit of a block for creating a celebratory space.

I wish for different clothing than i have, but, oy, my patience is thin and my standards kinda high.

A friend was sadly noting her white denim jacket was not being rescued by bleach and i mentioned dying it. That had me looking at dyes briefly and i returned to Dharma Trading Company. I hadn't remembered that they had clothing blanks.

On one hand, i'm excited: there are made in USA bra-like items and other things (kibbles -- they have scrubs!), and then there's this dye kit:

http://www.dharmatrading.com/html/eng/924666-AA.shtml?lnav=dyes_kits.html

And they have dyeable yarns:

http://www.dharmatrading.com/html/eng/2298399-AA.shtml?lnav=clothing.html

So, i have a fantasy of looking at coming color trends, blending colors and making a few top sets that will be fresh for work. On the other hand, the sizing varies item to item and while there's an attempt to clarify fabrics and such, i find myself wondering about the weigh and quality and so on.

I wish they had tunics. I also wish they had more flat cotton made in USA items.

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