elainegrey

Falling asleep and waking to my usual audio rituals was comforting.

Care Check-In( Read more... )

So, yesterday i spent "far too much time" reading about "Low-Water Immersion Dyeing" techniques. I knew there was something procrastinatory about it, but there was something else. Some sort of obsessive learning process that irritated me: I don't need another project. But when i awoke this morning, my brain had sorted out some things -- and even if i don't think i need a project, my brain seems to have taken this on as a Good Idea. I realized that i don't want to get into the color wheel mixing CMY that the kit supports. I understand the process but i also know how much experimentation is needed. I'm just imagining that i can satisfy some clothing desires (fair trade, colors i desire, potentially cost) and creativity desires. Dharma has clearly experimented with the basic dyes to develop their own colors. I can just get the colors i (and Christine?) want.

I can borrow the book on techniques from the library. (Done.)

I'm still an obsessive plan mode, i see, from the two hours i've spent looking at colors and pulling notes together. *headdesk*

Hoorahs for Saturday:
* staying relaxed, cool despite the heat wave. Moffett Field hit 92°F at the time our car and landing thermometers were reading 100°. I don't know if this is that Moffett is really somewhat cooler or if it's a shade thing.
* restarted my health cart
* linking up with my co-website editor and finding em to be very similar to me in that ey admitted to some depression, social anxiety. We chatted & did not skype, which was probably a relief to both of us. I certainly led and managed during the chat. *Exhale* There's not too much to do here, even if i get left with it. The site could use someone who can do some lightweight architecture modifications, but it can get by with simple care a feeding. And i can remember that my co-editor is younger (25ish), and i probably seem all middle aged and distant. I asked em if ey were out to eir meeting, and i realize i don't know how ey identify: what would out mean to em?
* Taking books to book traders and then to the library donation drop off. Done, despite the heat and the art fair. Used up the tiny bit of trade received on a Dorothy Sayers novel and Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art by Scott McCloud. I'd read the McCloud book before, but it's a good reference i should re-read.

Yams: Library, work: JIRAs and the Key request.

Off to the Meetinghouse for the Library Committee work time & then Meeting.

( Read more... )

Fail^h^h^h^h. I know that shouldn't be the first thing i type, but an hour ago i was lying in bed and i said to myself: Ok, you're not going to have the will power to just write your morning writing and move on to work (the work you stalled on all yesterday and feel guilty/anxious about today -- all hail the process of procrastination for creating these unpleasant motivators). You're not going to have the will power so the edict is: you can check email, because that might have some direct correspondence, but no reading web stuff. It will be there mid day when you need a break.

But no, i read everything. I've heard user experience folks refer to the scent of information in a model where information gathering is compared to hunting and foraging. I think my curiosity is tied to my deep pleasure and joy responses. Following through on a work task that is not going to trigger some curiosity cycle and that is a bit like gleaning through muck looking for the potatoes left after harvest triggers no sense of potential reward. There are potatoes there, i will find them after mucking about for a while, but they are just potatoes. (If only i could actually take the sensual pleasure of looking at actual soil. But no, it's mucky old emails and an xsd.)

I can't really say i read everything this morning. I scanned it, skimmed it, looking not to connect with people (when it came to LiveJournal) but like some child opening all the Christmas gifts under the tree looking for the ones for her. A vague memory that Aunt Martha gave Sister Jo a sweater remains afterwards, but since sweater didn't have nearly the curiosity triggering and rewarding response that a whatsigobbldit may have had, it's barely recalled. I suppose i have some recall of the content when i read something again that refers back, but i have not enjoyed the information (reflection, sharing). This morning news about Colombia and strange volcanoes got my attention. With the volcanoes though, i denied myself the pleasure of following up on the odd magma, only viewing one video of the odd lava flow, and passing it on to someone who may follow up on the story. I could have spent an hour or more following up on that. The Colombia news i had to follow up on -- but only shallowly.

I recognize that there's another information and cognitive process going on -- it's a process that describes why some check personal email so often. The motivation has something to do with irregular reward. The cost of checking is low -- a moment's interruption -- and the reward (an email that is a happy connection) is only occasional. The negative outcome for many of us is rare (that's usually in the real mail or in work correspondence) and even if there is an email there from someone you are in a disagreeable conversation, you can ignore it for later. And so i understand my information scan impulse -- it will just take a moment, but there may be something really really cool and that would be great to find right now instead of turning this muck looking for potatoes.

The problem is, that even if there was something really really cool, i would have another part of myself saying, "Yes, dear, but you need to get those potatoes so you can't follow up and indulge your curiosity and have that process that really feels good. But OK, you can scan that resource too." So i end up scanning and scanning, inhibited from really enjoying what i find, but procrastinating on the other task that needs to get done.

So, i need to help myself carve out time to really enjoy pursuit of my curiosity (which means keeping things very open ended!) and use that as a reward for good potato digging.