elainegrey

Happy Easter to those who observe ... we took down the Yule wreath, but i've not really refreshed the seasonal decorations in the little display area for a multitude of seasons. I'm trusting that i am recovering and that vitality and motivation are just around the corner. Today, at least, i am vital enough to be making an orange pie in the style of Shaker lemon pies with my coconut crust. I am very much looking forward to this pie. And i'm going to stir up a batch of North Carolina vinegar sauce. I've been wondering what it would be like to cook beans with it, garbanzo or white beans? Christine's been applying it to the vegetarian chicken stuff, but there must be some other way to get the flavor into my life. Some sort of pilaf?

Sadly, the pie seems to not be cooking enough, not setting. I forgot to add starch, and i think i cooked in too cool an oven. I'm trying to zap it to doneness now.

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A review of the new Nature journal on plants showed a botanical drawing of a root vegetable that i couldn't quite name. Not a brassica, i knew: but the spinach family. And so i deduced it was a white beet (probably a sugar beet). That led me to poking about in the related plants, which include the goosefoot i was observing in the baylands on my walk yesterday. I've no idea if i was looking at a escape from domestication or a wild type, but this article on the domestication of a variety of eastern North American plants pleased me.

Smith, B. D. “Eastern North America as an Independent Center of Plant Domestication.” Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences 103, no. 33 (August 15, 2006): 12223–28. doi:10.1073/pnas.0604335103.

bobby1933 posted a poem that mentioned shepherds purse and i finally had the common name that i confuse with lambsquarters in front of me. Shepherds purse is a brassica (mustards and broccoli, and so on) and lambsquarters is in the spinach family (or what i call the spinach family: Chenopodiaceae is more accurately known as the goosefoot family).

More thoughts on the edible landscape of weeds. Meanwhile, there's something growing in my untended planters. It appears to match images of leaf celery. I ponder a salad of nasturtium and those leaves.

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Meanwhile, i need to acknowledge that the elephant in the room is taking a toll. I'm strong and can manage, but i begin to ask whether i need to find some help. The thought of sorting through the mental health options available through my health care is not ... inspiring. Nonetheless, i suppose i should NOW while i am feeling the buoying energy of the seasonal light and the delight that i can have lovely days at work.

I think i have an evening out with a friend planned in a week. I think i can get some support from her. My sister is supportive as well. There are a limited number of people with whom i feel like discussing elephant issues, although i've made sure that people at Meeting are aware of what i am carrying.

Wednesday morning: So we have my Real® Boss, the person whom i reported to until yesterday, who replaced New Director. It appears he's still informally my boss. Then we have my manager, who was the architect until yesterday, when he took my role.

I'm still ecstatic, possibly too much so, too publicly. But there it is.

And i was delighted how my Real® Boss designated my new gig, saying i was filling the shoes of our previous architect.

Much cramming and learning stretches out before me.

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Thursday morning: well, my manager seems quite interested in being my Real® Boss. Which makes sense. It's a change i hadn't really wrapped my head around, but so it goes. (Not a bad change, just different.)

We met for two and a half hours and spent the most time on talking about team members. I recognize that that the team is the first priority for a new manager, and probably a responsibility i didn't follow up as well as i would have liked. (At this point, i am noting the challenges at the time in doing so.)

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Friday morning: you'd think i could hit post.

I'm sitting in our office instead of typing in bed. It's an experiment. I forget when i got out of the habit, but it's possible i've been stressing out Christine in the morning as i type. And it's the distress that she wakes with that has stopped me from posting as i focus on her.

Here's hoping a new habit will help.

I ended up spending the past hour fighting with my laptop, but i am now starting on a potentially six hour back up of all my photos. 536.9 GB at current rate of 31.13 MB/s ... less than five at this point, yay.

Work was lovely yesterday. The Thursday meetings were off my calendar, and all my work is new and shiny. I'm going to have to ask my boss about transition responsibilities because i do worry a bit about things slipping through cracks. Fortunately, one deadline has now moved out in such a way it should be easier to meet.

I dreamed of flying with a delightful ease, somehow catching the wind and being lifted yet easily directing myself. I can't help but think that had something to do with work, yet in the same dream, there was a bit of horrible sadness of finding some teens who had killed themselves by hanging in a lovely tree. What on earth, brain? It was my usual sort of dream, landscapes (lakes and eastern forests) and interiors of public spaces (a museum). At the exterior of someone's home, i saw drifts of cottonwood down and deer fur. (Do they shed? The did in my dream.) It would make a lovely felt, i thought. I don't think it was an unusual dream (from when i can remember) except for the sense of ease and flying.

What a relief.

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I haven't noted about elephants mainly because Christine's withdrawn so far that the elephants are no longer an issue except on rare occasions. I hold her depression and anxiety as lightly and lovingly as i can.

( complaints )

When was iOS 8 announced? I just heard about folks having trouble downloading it. Just curious: how big is this rock i'm under?

I read The Oldest Living Things in the World by Rachel Sussman yesterday, quitting work early.No insomnia was involved: Amazon's 2:47 am delivery was their commitment to have it in my email box between midnight and 3 am.

I enjoyed reading it, and file it in my mind as another model of book i could write.

I felt my photographic skills were reasonably validated, although i recognize she's using significantly more complicated film and formats. It's tempting to consider medium format photography, but i think i can be comfortable living between the extreme of professional kit and consumer tools.

My writing: oh, once upon a time i thought i could write! I now ponder that perhaps if i took time to go past first draft, i could write once again. (Three drafts of an email to staff this week in response to an outburst of unacceptable behavior.)

So, how to keep moving on?

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Christine has already been trampled byElephants this morning. I'm feeling steady, leading me to believe that a week ago i was, indeed, under the weather. It's so hard not to project. I know what spiral my thoughts would be in if i were her: but we are not shaped by the same deep chthonic forces. Empathy needs then to be able to project and yet not over project.

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I shared with my sister earlier this week that Elephant Wrangling on Christine's part is part of The Solution, the process by which we free ourselves from dependence on my salaried position. Elephant wrangling tools are accessible to us right now, and she's making good use of them. I know i had begun to feel trapped again, pinned against my career, but reminding myself that this work is just as much a part of The Solution as is learning biology has helped me recognize our forward progress.

We are not trapped.

We do have work.

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Meeting this week hasn't helped.

I ignited a great deal of consternation that has not been settled, and flared again this week. I will spend time discerning today.