elainegrey

Today's platelet count consistent with last week's well within normal reading; hematologist suggests waiting two weeks for the next draw.

Today's therapy was useful. We've been discussing a cycle of how a certain amount of "anxiety" or "urgency" is motivational -- it produces a boost of energy to address things. At a certain point, though, there's a tip: maybe the task/project becomes intimidating and instead one is boosted into something else:  maybe it's proximate work (and one can steer back to the goal). Maybe other irrelevant work to distraction. And then the overshoot of energy can lead to frustration, that becomes paralysis, and then depression.

We talked a little about my feelings about my aspiration/goals (handwave at yard, point at gap in woods for shed), and why i think i should be more productive than i am.

I acknowledged that it's not just this health issue that has kept me from making headway: so many things in life can derail my sense of forward momentum, whether travel or family visits or work crisis/project or Trees Falling On Fences. And i know that i cycle between balance and feeling like all the threads are being pulled through my fingers, burning raw spots. Just. Keep. Going. Some of the times i have been very productive have also not been balanced, too, and relationships and other things were neglected.

We talked about the tiny little bit of progress i made on the shed, the reasons the shed is important, and then M-- was able to poke at one of the stuck pieces.

Developing a relationship with a contractor is intimidating because of the need for trust, but also because of the question of the person working closely with us and needing to be accepting of us. The trust is more than merely will they do the work: it's also, will we be comfortable with them working here, will we feel like we can address challenges, etc. There's something deeply emotional and challenging for me in this relationship bit.

Speaking of relationships: i feel like i am connecting more with M--, too, and that she's hearing more and mapping my state of being. I like having the cycle as a framework for examining frustrations.