(morning writing, cats, work, us)

[elainegrey]

This week was fatigue, cat pee, and all new tires for the car plus an arm long list of things they found while they were looking (and a leg long list Christine said no to).  Christine is striving to manage anxiety about her her physical discomfort/symptoms that are related to her June emergency room visit; just over a month to the surgery to deal with the issue. And i am preparing myself for "oh you won't need an X" to be really "oh you won't need an X permanently, of course you need one for recovery."

Christine and i have such different distrust patterns. Me, i distrust the doctors & nurses to tell you what you need to know because it's obvious to them. I distrust the tire place and suspect them of wanting to deal with things that our regular car place has handled. I distrust customer service because i assume they are measured on completing tickets, not solving problems. I ... could keep going. But i tend to trust that people are generally acting in good faith, that i can share things and it won't come back to hurt me (now that mom is out of the picture). Christine ... well, she used to completely distrust the medical establishment but seemed to get a little better after the stay in the hospital this year. She trusts the car place (and talked me down from my high dudgeon on seeing the list of repairs and refurbishments).

We spent much of the week of Thanksgiving worried about Marlowe not eating. Monday, a week after she'd been to the vet and nothing found amiss,  we got an appetite stimulant and after two treatments she's eating like a champ. And she's back to being a terror to Bruno. And is this why Bruno keeps peeing on beds? So should we go back to gabapentin in her food to chill her out? Which is one possible reason why she quit eating? Ugh. I'm caught up on washing and drying; folding not so much.

The fatigue hit hard on Monday. I am doing better, and recall i should get my vitamin D tested. It's an expected symptom of the ITP that remains even when the platelet counts stay stable. Piffle. I will continue to work with my therapist on the cognitive/emotional challenges and how to get my ADHD mind where i can meet exercise and eating goals. Right now i know i am eating because of the fatigue and it is VERY HARD to convince myself that more food does not equal energy.

Work is a little stressful: i continue to find the exec director levels ... well, to resume a theme, untrustworthy. Am i stupid to not look for other work? My current work is interesting. Most people i work with i like. I think staying is OK, and if i do get dropped one morning, maybe we will be OK with an early retirement? I'd look for new work if that happened, of course, but my hopes are low. But i do not have the ... will to invest in promoting myself so i could land somewhere.

Meanwhile, we are carrying concern for my sister's family, knowing the more regular substitute position starting Friday will be helpful, but yikes. If we don't pay our teachers well, pay for subs is near imaginary.

Comments

[sonia]

That's interesting about the distrust patterns. As a group, car mechanics are known to treat men and women differently, so I wonder if that's a historical factor.

Best wishes with getting the fatigue resolved. I will mention a SAD lamp as a possibility, although you're fairly far south. I've noticed that I eat more when I'm low on sleep, too. Of course the body thinks food = energy!

It makes sense to me that when you generally like your job, you don't want to look elsewhere, especially if it wouldn't be a crisis to be out of work. I don't hear great things about the job market right now.

[elainegrey]

I suspect even more of her personal distrust is based on all the micro and far-less-than-micro aggressions she's experienced since transitioning. I hadn't thought about the gendered part of trust/distrust of more business/contractual relationships, but maybe that's a part of it.

[allezhop]

I have SO MUCH distrust of car places, but I've also been burned a lot. This feels like a valid distrust.

When I had a senior cat who kept peeing on the bed, I had a really hard time keeping it from happening. But in the meantime, laundry was reduced by putting a mattress protector on the bed and covering the favorite spots with puppy pads and a layer of rags. Then I could just toss the rags in the machine. (I know this is probably gross to a lot of people, but it genuinely reduced my stress around washing all the bedding every time and scrubbing at the mattress every time... so.)

[elainegrey]

Since the bed he mainly pees on is not used by anyone but him, i bought some not-quite twin sized rubber backed fabric pads and have tiled them on the bed with replacements at hand. We used puppy pads for a bit (because we had plenty from elderly cat issues this spring) but he'd knock them askew and there'd be gaps. It's made it mostly a non-issue. So hoping he grows out of it.

[allezhop]

Oh, that sounds much more efficient, really!

I know it's not ideal, but when you think about it, it's better in *some* ways than a litter box.

[elainegrey]

I wish it didn't distress my spouse so much. Her distress makes it more of a event. (She does the litter boxes so i really don't mind doing the laundry.)

[allezhop]

I have SO MUCH distrust of car places, but I've also been burned a lot. This feels like a valid distrust.

When I had a senior cat who kept peeing on the bed, I had a really hard time keeping it from happening. But in the meantime, laundry was reduced by putting a mattress protector on the bed and covering the favorite spots with cat pads and a layer of rags. Then I could just toss the rags in the machine. (I know this is probably gross to a lot of people, but it genuinely reduced my stress around washing all the bedding every time and scrubbing at the mattress every time... so.)

ETA - pay for subs is horrid! I definitely make a much better living as a teacher.

ETA2- A month or so ago, I had this employment concern in a way. I like my colleagues, but also wondered if I should make a plan to get out. So I created a folder in Drive and started stashing resume items, just in case I needed to update it. I told myself I'd work on that just a few minutes a week. I haven't actually, but it removed some of that anxiety just to have a spot.

[elainegrey]

Re resumes: it doesn't help i've been at the same company for 25 years this coming April. I do have a list of job hunting advice documents relevant to my career.

[ofearthandstars]

That sounds like a heavy and exhausting week. I know fatigue hit me very hard today, I have been running on high stress for a while and it is catching up, plus the dark and cold and rain/cloudiness do not help. Vitamin D is a good idea. Maybe B12, as well, since that's something a lot of people end up low on without realizing?

I'm glad Marlowe is eating, and hope Bruno's pee patterns can be discerned.