(no subject)

Edward is chewing on my toes through the sheets. He still has a good instinct for kitteny play. He did disappear yesterday morning, and it turns out he did (does) have another fan in the complex. We've made contact with her, but i still worry about his roaming once the collar is off. All the kitties want to go out. Cone comes off tonight, i leave for the east coast very early on Tuesday.

I've spent much of the morning searching for a nutritionist. I think i will try to put some effort towards intervention. I could do interviews and a food diary in August, actual diet change in September into October. Much later and SAD and flu season could affect results.

As i've read many websites of practitioners associated with National Association of Nutrition Professionals (NANP) today, i find myself feeling depressed and cynical. A friend starts a chat:

R: [friend] says that he's suspicious of any food that he particularly likes or wants
Me: That's one theory -- that the cravings are related to triggered sensitivity reactions.
R: exactly, "if I crave it it must be bad for me."
Me: That goes against the "i can trust my body" lesson i've been learning, so if i do this on my own i'll definitely have a huge cognitive struggle. On the other hand, so many of these nutritionists' websites seem evangelistic with respect to "whole foods cure everything" -- and we *do* eat a good deal of whole foods.

Yesterday's picnics were lovely, despite the surprising midafternoon occurrence of a smattering of raindrops. Incredibly localized, so the date will likely be recorded as having no rain in the area. Friends had good conversation, good bread. Seeing my sister-in-law was a little odd, as she had encountered friends from Beijing. They chatted about their Beijing friends, the exodus back to home countries as companies reduce size in the recession, school gossip, and so on. It was somewhat enlightening just to overhear. I'm reminded of my impression of 19th century British colonialists in India and other countries: both a smallness and narrowness of community. The numbers of people in the community are small and "everybody knows everybody's business," and the community is populated by a fairly homogeneous group of people: similar corporate employers, similar family situations. I wonder how hard it is to connect back to people outside of that milieu. I know how hard it is for me to connect back to my mom and extended family at times just with a life that centers around the virtual plane.

Mental Crumblies: Volume 1

The Sand Ladder
Originally uploaded by Andrionni Ribo

The usual "whining" or my brain, why can i not bend it to my will?

Observation: thinking about doing something to "cure" the asthma, allergies, psoriasis, canker sores, headaches, sense of malaise, lack of energy and probably the depression too makes me very blue. What the hell is that about?

Cure is in quotation marks because i'm not certain i can "cure" this in the typical Western medical sense. I am thinking more of identifying life "style" changes: currently, food. I am not interested in giving up the cats or the (dusty) books. I'm slowly making other dust stopping changes, but i don't believe i'll ever have the level of clean needed to truly affect any dust triggers. Since i expect the cats are another traditional allergen, i could be free of dust and still have triggers.

I'm pretty sure that attempting a diet evaluation is the Right Thing and that the blues are because it looms ahead of me like going up the Baker Beach sand ladder. Someone's Flickr photo of looking down the sand ladder is to the right. It's hard to get a sense of going up it from the photos, because the seemingly infinitely distant sky prevents you from gauging the distance, unlike this photo where the tiny ant-like people help you gauge just how far down it is to the beach.

The ladder is featured in the modern Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon. Wikipedia says "400 uneven log steps."

Gratitude

Instead of continuing with my mental crumblies, i went and scrubbed the entry way.

A Concern: Christine is coordinating with her siblings in their effort to move their mother to an assisted care facility. They've found the facility and selected a date. Now they must collaborate on the move. The executrix, the sibling to whom Christine is closest, and the must functional of the siblings, is also selling her house, her fiancé's house, planning her wedding, and traveling to Bucharest on business. Whee! So Christine is trying to help with the organization of her siblings who are fifteen and eighteen years older.

I'm thankful for the cloudscapes yesterday, the surprise of rain, the way northbound 17 has such a great valley view at the intersection of 85. I'm thankful for the companionship of the cats and that the addition of Mr E is not disrupting the other cats, particularly. I'm grateful for the garden, and the sun light that pours onto the deck, and how lovely it is to leave things in that light to dry and freshen. I am delighted with the local climate, the wonderful summer weather.

I probably should have a massage when i get back from traveling, and i'm thankful that's a choice i can make. I'm pretty sure i was depressed this weekend, with stress from last week and the anticipation of this week's travel unresolved.