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Addendum to barely constructed Thursday evening reviews:
I finished my digital copy of New Amsterdam by Elizabeth Bear which i did not find challenging to read at all but a pleasant diversion. Zeppelins! (Challenging to read brings to mind a book in Christine's stacks, that has the text interleaved between reading front to back or flipping the book over and reading front' to back'.) I've also just finished the twenty fourth edition of The Year's Best Science Fiction, which appears to be for 2006. In the collection is "The Pacific Mystery," another alternative history, with Zeppelins! Well, a Zeppelin like airship. Elizabeth Bear had a coauthored story in the collection about rescuing a politically censored play from the Elizabethan thought police: less engaging, i found.
August approaches, another cross quarter day, and the year turns. I had noticed the dimming of the evening on Wednesday when i was in a bad mood, and wondered if it was more my mood. But in hindsight, yes, we're at the point on the sinewave pattern of day length* where we rapidly slip from long to short crossing the equinox.
I didn't follow through on advocacy blogging about Colombia in July. (Someone else does: http://1peaceatatime.blogspot.com/2009/07/5-new-us-military-bases-in-colombia-is.html) August, i had planned, would be a month of quiet, before taking up new committee roles in September as clerk. I had written, "3) Assuming i am on an additional committee in September, between the initial meeting of that committee and New Years, i may choose to continue the one focus area or i may replace it. I will not hold myself to do anything for that focus, though."
I've plenty of committee work to do in August though. [And plenty of work for Friday morning, which i then went about.]
* approximation, see http://herbert.gandraxa.com/herbert/lod.asp#toc64 -- this seems to leave out any effects due to the changing distance between sun & earth. To the precision of my experience, a sine wave is good enough.
I finished my digital copy of New Amsterdam by Elizabeth Bear which i did not find challenging to read at all but a pleasant diversion. Zeppelins! (Challenging to read brings to mind a book in Christine's stacks, that has the text interleaved between reading front to back or flipping the book over and reading front' to back'.) I've also just finished the twenty fourth edition of The Year's Best Science Fiction, which appears to be for 2006. In the collection is "The Pacific Mystery," another alternative history, with Zeppelins! Well, a Zeppelin like airship. Elizabeth Bear had a coauthored story in the collection about rescuing a politically censored play from the Elizabethan thought police: less engaging, i found.
August approaches, another cross quarter day, and the year turns. I had noticed the dimming of the evening on Wednesday when i was in a bad mood, and wondered if it was more my mood. But in hindsight, yes, we're at the point on the sinewave pattern of day length* where we rapidly slip from long to short crossing the equinox.
I didn't follow through on advocacy blogging about Colombia in July. (Someone else does: http://1peaceatatime.blogspot.com/2009/07/5-new-us-military-bases-in-colombia-is.html) August, i had planned, would be a month of quiet, before taking up new committee roles in September as clerk. I had written, "3) Assuming i am on an additional committee in September, between the initial meeting of that committee and New Years, i may choose to continue the one focus area or i may replace it. I will not hold myself to do anything for that focus, though."
I've plenty of committee work to do in August though. [And plenty of work for Friday morning, which i then went about.]
* approximation, see http://herbert.gandraxa.com/herbert/lod.asp#toc64 -- this seems to leave out any effects due to the changing distance between sun & earth. To the precision of my experience, a sine wave is good enough.
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Tedious morning writing about habit changing.
In the good news department, Christine is playing Night Czar in the household, helping manage and nag and encourage me to *do* instead of flump on the couch and let the day drain away. I know part of what happens is that the pressure (impulse, motive) drops from what work produces, and and all i have left is a little bit for crochet or wandering around on the internet. I'm asking her for coaching help, and it's working. We also proposed a concrete morning pattern for the kettle time, which should help with a little bit of housework.
I suppose this is part of re-Mothering myself. The patterns of housework and habit that one ideally learns as a child didn't take with me for a variety of reasons. Some of the antipatterns i learned i see also in my sister: a sense of overwhelming stress that certain duties must be done and must be done perfectly in order to have the most attractive appearance to visitors, to the extent that personal well-being and family well-being take a distant second in priority. That antipattern keeps the "keep everything you might need" antipattern at bay, to some extent, without dealing with the root of it.
The "appearances before psychological and physical well-being" antipattern i've pretty much rejected, with some residual irrational focus on the rug of the apartment. I am now tabula rasa and need to replace the antipattern with good patterns. It takes time with a kid: presumably i'll be a quicker study, except i'm barely attending to it. The "cruft and clutter" antipattern is one i've been aware of -- slow slow progress. But i think it is progress.
Microscopic progress on changing my slide into complete sedentary lifestyle as well.
I'd forgotten my plan to do an exclusion diet, but a colleague asked after whether i was pursuing any alternative therapies for my obviously less than stellar physical health. He may know a nutritionist who might be good to work with. I take that as a gift to remind me of my desire to tackle a elimination or exclusion diet.
In the good news department, Christine is playing Night Czar in the household, helping manage and nag and encourage me to *do* instead of flump on the couch and let the day drain away. I know part of what happens is that the pressure (impulse, motive) drops from what work produces, and and all i have left is a little bit for crochet or wandering around on the internet. I'm asking her for coaching help, and it's working. We also proposed a concrete morning pattern for the kettle time, which should help with a little bit of housework.
I suppose this is part of re-Mothering myself. The patterns of housework and habit that one ideally learns as a child didn't take with me for a variety of reasons. Some of the antipatterns i learned i see also in my sister: a sense of overwhelming stress that certain duties must be done and must be done perfectly in order to have the most attractive appearance to visitors, to the extent that personal well-being and family well-being take a distant second in priority. That antipattern keeps the "keep everything you might need" antipattern at bay, to some extent, without dealing with the root of it.
The "appearances before psychological and physical well-being" antipattern i've pretty much rejected, with some residual irrational focus on the rug of the apartment. I am now tabula rasa and need to replace the antipattern with good patterns. It takes time with a kid: presumably i'll be a quicker study, except i'm barely attending to it. The "cruft and clutter" antipattern is one i've been aware of -- slow slow progress. But i think it is progress.
Microscopic progress on changing my slide into complete sedentary lifestyle as well.
I'd forgotten my plan to do an exclusion diet, but a colleague asked after whether i was pursuing any alternative therapies for my obviously less than stellar physical health. He may know a nutritionist who might be good to work with. I take that as a gift to remind me of my desire to tackle a elimination or exclusion diet.
Much surfing and muddling along this morning.
Sudden planning mind.
Two things: one, i currently have 3.5 weeks of vacation accrued, plus two use-or-loose personal days. I have generous vacation benefits, and i recognize this accrued vacation is a type of savings and slight insurance buffer against layoff and illness. On the other hand, i need to schedule some rest and some time to focus on our home. An uncertainty is Christine's need to travel to NC in the next couple months to help with her Mom: she's just confirmed that i should stay here and hold the fort. So, i'm left with family travel over a long period around Thanksgiving.
I think i'll take:
* this Friday
* the Monday after the 4th ( 6 Jul)
* July 24 & 27 (another 4 day weekend)
* Aug 14 & 17
The other: I'm going to say "yes" to focus for a few months, which means saying "no" more often.
Focus on work, on catching up, on home, and on creating.
* library committee
* home cleaning -- a rug cleaning
* weekly ritual/habits/patterns, like "Tuesday is Laundry Day"
* I'm "full" with Friends' responsibilities
There's perhaps more to ponder here, but must dash.
Sudden planning mind.
Two things: one, i currently have 3.5 weeks of vacation accrued, plus two use-or-loose personal days. I have generous vacation benefits, and i recognize this accrued vacation is a type of savings and slight insurance buffer against layoff and illness. On the other hand, i need to schedule some rest and some time to focus on our home. An uncertainty is Christine's need to travel to NC in the next couple months to help with her Mom: she's just confirmed that i should stay here and hold the fort. So, i'm left with family travel over a long period around Thanksgiving.
I think i'll take:
* this Friday
* the Monday after the 4th ( 6 Jul)
* July 24 & 27 (another 4 day weekend)
* Aug 14 & 17
The other: I'm going to say "yes" to focus for a few months, which means saying "no" more often.
Focus on work, on catching up, on home, and on creating.
* library committee
* home cleaning -- a rug cleaning
* weekly ritual/habits/patterns, like "Tuesday is Laundry Day"
* I'm "full" with Friends' responsibilities
There's perhaps more to ponder here, but must dash.
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Let's see, only a little time to do prep for the committee work for this morning, so.
Yesterday was leisurely: i sat and poked a bit on the internet, poked a bit at my dye project for white cotton threads and yarns, and poked a bit at my library committee responsibility.
The bad news of the day was Christine finding a dead bird and the subsequent observation of feathers. We'd had such a gusty, windy afternoon and Greycie Loo is so "full of boing," that despite me being so close she'd apparently fulfilled her hunting desires for the first time. I feel unhappy and a little guilty, and i suspect Christine was wrestling with her own feelings on the topic. I noted this morning that the cardboard box "toy" on the deck may have served as a hunting blind, so hopefully we can return to the previous status quo and not have repeat incidents.
I made "scones" taking the bisquick biscuit recipe and adding in powdered sugar and folding in bits of smart balance spread during the kneading. They took a good bit longer to bake and are decadent.
We watched Chaplan (1992) before bed. The history gripped me, the aging makeup annoyed me, and seeing David Duchovny in a bit part a year before he started The X-Files entertained. (I'll note that IMDB seems to not note Duchovny's or Anderson's role in The X-Files in the standard manner in the Actor section of the Filmography. It's odd. Compare to Mitch Pileggi's or Robert Patrick's annotation.)
I've made it through an unusually busy spring, filled with many conferences, retreats,
unconferences. I said "Yes" to many things and while i came through to this point, i do feel it was too much. Work is getting a little challenging and i need to attend to it; home is comfortable in the way a worn, ripped and stained pair of jeans are comfortable. This next quarter: July, August, and September must be about home and work, i think. And exercise, probably.
Yesterday was leisurely: i sat and poked a bit on the internet, poked a bit at my dye project for white cotton threads and yarns, and poked a bit at my library committee responsibility.
The bad news of the day was Christine finding a dead bird and the subsequent observation of feathers. We'd had such a gusty, windy afternoon and Greycie Loo is so "full of boing," that despite me being so close she'd apparently fulfilled her hunting desires for the first time. I feel unhappy and a little guilty, and i suspect Christine was wrestling with her own feelings on the topic. I noted this morning that the cardboard box "toy" on the deck may have served as a hunting blind, so hopefully we can return to the previous status quo and not have repeat incidents.
I made "scones" taking the bisquick biscuit recipe and adding in powdered sugar and folding in bits of smart balance spread during the kneading. They took a good bit longer to bake and are decadent.
We watched Chaplan (1992) before bed. The history gripped me, the aging makeup annoyed me, and seeing David Duchovny in a bit part a year before he started The X-Files entertained. (I'll note that IMDB seems to not note Duchovny's or Anderson's role in The X-Files in the standard manner in the Actor section of the Filmography. It's odd. Compare to Mitch Pileggi's or Robert Patrick's annotation.)
I've made it through an unusually busy spring, filled with many conferences, retreats,
unconferences. I said "Yes" to many things and while i came through to this point, i do feel it was too much. Work is getting a little challenging and i need to attend to it; home is comfortable in the way a worn, ripped and stained pair of jeans are comfortable. This next quarter: July, August, and September must be about home and work, i think. And exercise, probably.
Tags:
- birdfeeder,
- cats,
- goals,
- log,
- watching notes,
- y041
My mind is in a place where i'm constantly criticizing myself. I'm not going to give those thoughts the benefit of being written out. The thoughts come like a storm and i'll deal with them next weekend if they're still like this. I'm theorizing that i'm "sick," whatever is with the eyelid areas puffing up is causing larger system reactions, and that plus recovery time for the conferences is causing poor cognitive behavior.
Logged.
I am trying to respond to correspondence this morning. One was a message from the meeting in the city asking for updates for the directory, with "Please let us know how you are
doing? What is feeding your spiritual life these days?"
I don't feel empty right now, but i don't feel aware either. It occurs to me: in March i offered myself as willing to be transformed, trusting, not dictating or guiding or mapping out a final goal. This is not "rational" but suits my willingness to be an experimental subject. I offer myself for transformation, does change happen? There is a sense in which i feel i am incredibly mutable, in which i wish a little for stability, and then i laugh and think that externally i must appear immovable. I wish for another term: glacial speed used to seem appropriate, but glaciers move faster than i now. How will i know if change happens due to my offer compared to just the usual shifts and changes? Ah, poorly designed experiment, this.
Still, there's the detached sense i have right now, a bit as if i've loosened all control, and there does seem to be shifts happening, not so much as if i was disconnected and dissociated from the changes, but too close, too folded and shifted, too disoriented. Will i look back this fall, next March and go, a-ha? What does dough know on the way to bread, the slip on its way to glaze, the ore in the crucible? Offering up myself for transformation, i know i stretch and change, i feel frustrated with my energy levels, but i create and correspond and act as much if not more than before.
I've not spent much time with the meditation on the clay oven, feeding the fire, watching bread bake, and stew cook. Being consumed, being transformed: it feels even less controlled than my opening myself to the variety of rhythms in flow, while it seems it should be more goal oriented. There's a waiting thats not there with the movement in flow: stir the pot, feed the fire, repeat, repeat, change is constantly occurring while nothing changes.
respond: ORIGIN late Middle English (in the noun senses): from Old French, from respondre ‘to answer,’ from Latin respondere, from re- ‘again’ + spondere ‘to pledge.’ The verb dates from the mid 16th cent.
correspond: ORIGIN late Middle English : from Old French correspondre, from medieval Latin correspondere, from cor- ‘together’ + Latin respondere (see respond ).
Logged.
I am trying to respond to correspondence this morning. One was a message from the meeting in the city asking for updates for the directory, with "Please let us know how you are
doing? What is feeding your spiritual life these days?"
I don't feel empty right now, but i don't feel aware either. It occurs to me: in March i offered myself as willing to be transformed, trusting, not dictating or guiding or mapping out a final goal. This is not "rational" but suits my willingness to be an experimental subject. I offer myself for transformation, does change happen? There is a sense in which i feel i am incredibly mutable, in which i wish a little for stability, and then i laugh and think that externally i must appear immovable. I wish for another term: glacial speed used to seem appropriate, but glaciers move faster than i now. How will i know if change happens due to my offer compared to just the usual shifts and changes? Ah, poorly designed experiment, this.
Still, there's the detached sense i have right now, a bit as if i've loosened all control, and there does seem to be shifts happening, not so much as if i was disconnected and dissociated from the changes, but too close, too folded and shifted, too disoriented. Will i look back this fall, next March and go, a-ha? What does dough know on the way to bread, the slip on its way to glaze, the ore in the crucible? Offering up myself for transformation, i know i stretch and change, i feel frustrated with my energy levels, but i create and correspond and act as much if not more than before.
I've not spent much time with the meditation on the clay oven, feeding the fire, watching bread bake, and stew cook. Being consumed, being transformed: it feels even less controlled than my opening myself to the variety of rhythms in flow, while it seems it should be more goal oriented. There's a waiting thats not there with the movement in flow: stir the pot, feed the fire, repeat, repeat, change is constantly occurring while nothing changes.
respond: ORIGIN late Middle English (in the noun senses): from Old French, from respondre ‘to answer,’ from Latin respondere, from re- ‘again’ + spondere ‘to pledge.’ The verb dates from the mid 16th cent.
correspond: ORIGIN late Middle English : from Old French correspondre, from medieval Latin correspondere, from cor- ‘together’ + Latin respondere (see respond ).
This morning i'm scattered but keep returning to my commitment to be involved in a more consistent way with the many issues i care about. I'd hoped one cause would "float to the top" and i could say that's where i'd focus for the next few months. Instead, i remain unfocused. However, outside forces seem to have helped me focus for month-long sprints.
In May, i'm going to focus on the CA Budget. There's an election where CA citizens get to play legislators and try to fix budget issues by voting on a six issues (http://www.voterguide.sos.ca.gov/). There's also this movement, which addresses the actual core of the budget problems: http://www.ecovote.org/budget/
I'm also going to write a response to the bizarre flyer circulated in the complex about the chemicals the gardeners use. (It's not that the flyer didn't have agreeable sentiments, but it was written with such a inflammatory and misleading slant. It brings to mind dihydrogen monoxide concerns.
In June, there's a torture awareness month effort. Members of our Meeting have discussed about how the relationship of the US and torture affects not just enemy combatants but how spirit breaking, degrading treatment occurs in California's prison system.
That leaves July.
Give thanks, share beauty, note joy:
* Precipitation! Not really rain, exactly, but drizzle and sprinkles.
* Light box, which i wish i had been using these past days, during which the celebrated precipitation has occurred.
Noteworthy events (dining out, errands, correspondence):
I've been far more social these days that usual, partly due a confluence of possibilities. It has occurred to me that perhaps i should violate the instruction that an Artist's Date is done alone and make my Artist's date more social. Artist's dates just are odd for me anyhow, as i am happy to give way to my creative curiosity for little bits. I don't need to go out to find inspiration. I've boxes of stuff that invite play. If i were to speculate what would be more creativity stimulating it would be a weekly time set aside strictly for playing with some medium stashed in the house.
Thursday was the copyright conference which, thanks to Twitter, i attended with @inforama. Friday we joined![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
stef_tm's happy hour and spoke with folks who actually knew how to do small talk. It was good to meet Stef in person. Afterwards, we escaped the noise of Tied House to look at used books (extinguishing all the credit), beads, and had dinner at Kapps, both of us reading a Lord Peter Wimsey novel.
Yesterday we had a very long morning coffee at Cafe Sophia with a subset of BWWW*ES, the colleagues and retired colleagues, but not the moved-on colleagues.
I ended up completing both Wimsey novels, to be released at the office. I'll probably gather a stack of books to trade at the used book store and then replenish the office stacks as i find fitting targets.
Regrets: I've moved this up because i do feel regretful these days.
* I wish i'd gotten my act together to get the laptop to WeFixMacs for a drive installation: they take over a day, they claim. I have a connection with Some Guy that i need to follow up upon to deal with this.
* I wish i wasn't spending so many evenings as a couch potato. I must do something with the early morning working thing as it looks like the project i am now involved in will require an irregular 6 am Wed call.
* I wish i'd arranged to be at MayDay dancing this morn, despite the wee bit of damp. Instead, i watched a goofy movie till late last night and very much slept in.
( the usual )
In May, i'm going to focus on the CA Budget. There's an election where CA citizens get to play legislators and try to fix budget issues by voting on a six issues (http://www.voterguide.sos.ca.gov/). There's also this movement, which addresses the actual core of the budget problems: http://www.ecovote.org/budget/
I'm also going to write a response to the bizarre flyer circulated in the complex about the chemicals the gardeners use. (It's not that the flyer didn't have agreeable sentiments, but it was written with such a inflammatory and misleading slant. It brings to mind dihydrogen monoxide concerns.
In June, there's a torture awareness month effort. Members of our Meeting have discussed about how the relationship of the US and torture affects not just enemy combatants but how spirit breaking, degrading treatment occurs in California's prison system.
That leaves July.
Give thanks, share beauty, note joy:
* Precipitation! Not really rain, exactly, but drizzle and sprinkles.
* Light box, which i wish i had been using these past days, during which the celebrated precipitation has occurred.
Noteworthy events (dining out, errands, correspondence):
I've been far more social these days that usual, partly due a confluence of possibilities. It has occurred to me that perhaps i should violate the instruction that an Artist's Date is done alone and make my Artist's date more social. Artist's dates just are odd for me anyhow, as i am happy to give way to my creative curiosity for little bits. I don't need to go out to find inspiration. I've boxes of stuff that invite play. If i were to speculate what would be more creativity stimulating it would be a weekly time set aside strictly for playing with some medium stashed in the house.
Thursday was the copyright conference which, thanks to Twitter, i attended with @inforama. Friday we joined
stef_tm's happy hour and spoke with folks who actually knew how to do small talk. It was good to meet Stef in person. Afterwards, we escaped the noise of Tied House to look at used books (extinguishing all the credit), beads, and had dinner at Kapps, both of us reading a Lord Peter Wimsey novel.Yesterday we had a very long morning coffee at Cafe Sophia with a subset of BWWW*ES, the colleagues and retired colleagues, but not the moved-on colleagues.
I ended up completing both Wimsey novels, to be released at the office. I'll probably gather a stack of books to trade at the used book store and then replenish the office stacks as i find fitting targets.
Regrets: I've moved this up because i do feel regretful these days.
* I wish i'd gotten my act together to get the laptop to WeFixMacs for a drive installation: they take over a day, they claim. I have a connection with Some Guy that i need to follow up upon to deal with this.
* I wish i wasn't spending so many evenings as a couch potato. I must do something with the early morning working thing as it looks like the project i am now involved in will require an irregular 6 am Wed call.
* I wish i'd arranged to be at MayDay dancing this morn, despite the wee bit of damp. Instead, i watched a goofy movie till late last night and very much slept in.
( the usual )
Tags:
Yesterday i charged through the day, expending everything too early. The late afternoon and evenings were spend distracting myself wih random surfing (hence the random book reviews) and then some random watching of videos. (I wrapped up the Doctor Who episodes of The Talons of Weng-Chiang.) I need to be more disciplined about the early morning calls and my energy for the day, albeit i need more discipline with energy across my whole life.
I can't believe May is about here, too. I have again not followed through on efforts around cycling. The infection a few weeks ago really did knock my energy away.
As far as Writer's Way type writing, i hardly type out three pages worth, no matter how you define that. On the other hand, i'm no so tied to the instructions that TAW provides regarding the writing as the writing i do, when i do it without letting myself be distracted by email and such, really does provide me with the conduit to find out what's bugging me and what inner wisdom i have. There's something else that happens as i spend my early morning at the keyboard, though, and i wish i knew what it was because it seems to be absent when i turn on work brain for 6 am phone calls.
A current challenge remains around correspondence and journaling. Not sure how to meet it, because i'm not sure how much journaling is therapeutic and how much is vain navel gazing and how much is communication to this community.
Off to wrap up lingering email from yesterday.
I can't believe May is about here, too. I have again not followed through on efforts around cycling. The infection a few weeks ago really did knock my energy away.
As far as Writer's Way type writing, i hardly type out three pages worth, no matter how you define that. On the other hand, i'm no so tied to the instructions that TAW provides regarding the writing as the writing i do, when i do it without letting myself be distracted by email and such, really does provide me with the conduit to find out what's bugging me and what inner wisdom i have. There's something else that happens as i spend my early morning at the keyboard, though, and i wish i knew what it was because it seems to be absent when i turn on work brain for 6 am phone calls.
A current challenge remains around correspondence and journaling. Not sure how to meet it, because i'm not sure how much journaling is therapeutic and how much is vain navel gazing and how much is communication to this community.
Off to wrap up lingering email from yesterday.
Tags: