elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Thursday, October 22nd, 2020 06:09 am
Daily journaler is seeking other daily journalers. I'm looking for other diarists that share some aspect of their daily life, whether it's limited to a narrow aspect of creativity or concern or is wide ranging. The diarist should be open to reading my entries and ideally is already reading the entries of folks in my circle.

ETA: Diarist should have high tolerance for typos.
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Wednesday, July 1st, 2015 06:50 am
I'm not particularly surprised by what comes to mind. The themes of purging stuff corresponds to what is becoming a habit as i've found purging items easier and easier, especially as i experience the reward of the space.

I suppose what doesn't come up on here is that i have a box of things to try and eBay: i should go through that box and put as much into the boxes for the Meeting's rummage sale as i can. I know there's some silverware in there that might as well go to Harvest festival (commodity item, heavy). There's also the task of finding a home for the Limoges china.

Read more... )
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Wednesday, July 1st, 2015 05:41 am
And then there were four.

Four cats, as our neighbor's big, orange cat Luigi joins our clowder. He's been spending days with us for the past several weeks, so the distress in the household was minimized. Nonetheless, i did not have a restful night's sleep. I'm not sure how much was feline activity and how much was just me. It feels like the apartment failed to cool in the night, as well.

Mr M is terribly frail, but i believe his great purring heart will be with us for some while. It's hard to tell how Mr M is taking it: it seems his universe is very small. Every now and then he has realized something was up (ie: there's another cat), and there have been a handful of full hissyfits. Christine used a pillow shield in the first fit. Mr M attacked it with serious purpose, and, considering how many times Mr M has bit me when distracted from his target of protective fury, one course of antibiotics was avoided. I think Luigi has rapidly realized that he out weighs Mr M substantially and he seems pretty calm.

Greycie Loo is indignant (which is nearly her common state). She's hissing her displeasure in Luigi's general direction. She's also sharp as a tack, and i think she'll negotiate this with skill.

Since Edward and Luigi have been playing together for years, Edward seems to barely notice the change.

Christine grieves the change. Out neighbor has lived here longer than we have. While we have not been close, we have been supportive of each other.

How am i? I don't really know. The past month or so, i've been loosing myself in books and have generally felt rather detached with a general anhedonia. I think i'm in a coping mode as Christine is distressed by this change and other issues. Some travel to see family looms on the horizon, and i can't see much beyond that. If anything, the long days have gotten in the way of rest as dinner has been occurring as it gets dark, with a dose of video entertainment after that.

I think i need to be journaling more. I'm recording a great deal, but somehow the daily "moodscope" exercise is not as potent. Yes, there's the immediate gratification of seeing a score with moodscope, and there are up and down variations -- but i'm not certain of the value. It's faster than journaling, but in juggling all the little recordings and such perhaps i can say i must do moodscope or LJ journaling every morning (ie: i can skip one if i do the other) with at least three moodscopes and three journal entries a week.

I recall the high i had from learning a bit of python: i've been denying myself that as i make sure all the analysis that is needed is covered. I think i will pick it up some today.

In other aspects of my back to the command line experience, blah blah to do lists in evernote and in emacs org-mode )
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Tuesday, June 23rd, 2015 06:23 am
A pleasant visit with my brother last night, despite his late arrival. (I'm not proud that i'm keeping score: let it go.) There was a small circus around the inflatable mattress. In the wait for his arrival i inflated it.... and then found it deflated. Clearly i hadn't sealed the two ports. So, again i inflate, again it deflates. Knowing it is a definition of insanity, i inflated it again as my brother was ready for bed. Voila! The hole was right near where his head was, and we were able to seal it up.

N thought MacGyver would disapprove of my blue duck-brand duct tape, but i think it is perfectly acceptable.

He was off, apparently, only after some few hours of sleep to work jet-lagged in a 24 hour taqueria near the airport.

He advised me to get on the phone and fuss at United over their "inability" to assign me seats on my flight from Tampa to SFO via Newark. It was a thirty minute call just to find out that, indeed, they are "unable" to assign me seats due to the same flight number on both sides of the connection despite the change of planes. Presumably, if i do nothing, i will show up at the airport, and will be waiting for the folks who are trying to upgrade their seats to move to better ones. I'm trying to decide which will be more distressing. Minimally an hour hassling airline staff by phone when i could be doing something at home, or being pissed off at the airport when i would just be waiting around at the airport. I expect the airline to be required to get me to SFO somehow. ... and Hipmunk shows that there will still be flight choices from United from Tampa to SFO and from Newark to SFO. So, worst case they put me on a later flight. I'm still indignant that i have this complication.

I'm wondering if i get a first class upgrade out of this, wondering if being the pleasant but distressed passenger ends up being rewarded over the jerk. Or if it's the Yes-I-AM-entitled-I-paid-for-a-ticket behavior that wins.
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Wednesday, June 17th, 2015 09:50 pm
Here's a photo I made with Resize Image!
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Wednesday, June 17th, 2015 09:07 pm
Woo! Programming! Woo!

I have a buzz from refactoring. Also, i think i've demonstrated my insanity because i have a dictionary of dictionaries that are made up of list of two items, one of which is a dictionary, and the other is a list. It probably ought to be an object.

This is the first i've done object oriented programming. The programming i did in graduate school was FORTRAN or C written like it was FORTRAN. And tons of hack-like scripts.

It's also the first i've been able to just WORK on something days on end.

I'm a little disoriented but delighted.


I am often doing a doodle journal in the evening and i would love to share -- but getting it off my iPad onto DW/LJ in a size that will not torture folks is apparently not a common thing. I may have just found an app (named "Resize Image") and will give it a go.


Elephants do stampede periodically. I continue to have faith that his will become less of a concern with time: currently it takes up a large fraction of my attention and emotional space.


Tomorrow we will have a celebration at work for two folks who have been with the organization 35 years and another who has been 20 years. Next April will be my 15th anniversary. (When the minnow and the whale merged, our hire dates transferred.) I am so glad for caterers because i really don't think i have the mood to put on a party. Being involved in planning tomorrow's party and the 50th anniversary party for my parents in a month is definitely pushing some of my limits. Fussing over presentation and decorations just isn't where my mind and heart are.


I've reconnected with a friend from graduate school. I'm chatting with her on my ride home from work once a week. It's good to be catching up: i think both of us had a dark stretch and have simultaneously come out into the light. I might get to see her in a month.
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Friday, June 12th, 2015 07:28 am
I'm going to get to attend the American Librarian Association meeting in San Francisco at the end of the month. I'll go up with a friend and colleague on Friday and knock around, and then Saturday i have a schedule of meetings and events about privacy to attend.

I'm hoping it will be fun and not too overwhelming.

We finally have warm days. Monday was downright HOT, and it seemed unfair to be thrown into the furnace after so many mild days. Today is simply going to be pleasantly warm, but the power company is calling for a saving day where we should reduce our power. We did have a drizzly day on Wednesday: so delightful, so needed. Tonight i hope to sit on the deck and enjoy a balmy evening into the night.

We watched the documentary series The Century of the Self over the past few weeks. It shows how propaganda, public relations, and advertising developed over the century. Intentionally, Americans were encouraged to focus on their desires and fears over the century, and one can easily see so much of what is problematic - the waste, the over-consumption, the lack of concern for others and lack of civic-mindedness - as a result. We're also watching the Roosevelt documentary, and it does provide a sense of the difference, the before. Corporate greed was well entrenched, but the progressive spirit of both Teddy Roosevelt and FDR was well connected to the progressivism of the culture. I can't imagine what the Tea Party would brand Teddy Roosevelt. (I'll admit a certain ... squeamishness around his attitude toward the constitution.)

I'm left with questions of how well can i guard myself against the self satisfaction culture.

Elephants are coming and going. Some days feel like a stampede and then some days it seems they are gone. My record-keeping failed in the past weeks when it seemed my brain went on a long vacation to Liad as i read book after book, so it's hard for me to verify my perceptions.
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Wednesday, June 10th, 2015 10:50 pm
Looking for a reasonable way to resize an image on the iPad.....
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Thursday, June 4th, 2015 06:45 am
I've been lost in the Liaden Universe's Agent of Change series since Monday afternoon. I bought Mouse And Dragon and when that was done i tore through four of the five stories following. I believe i read these first when i spent a trance like week at a conference in Vancouver over the summer solstice weekend. The daylight and the books had me reading late into the twilit night. The books are threads of narratives woven together and i seem to have remembered some thread better than others. I think i may not have read Conflict of Honors so much of the subsequent narrative of those characters was ignored.

So, just reading and fuzzily going about work for the past 60 hours. (I'll note that Tuesday had an early all staff presentation and Wednesday an extremely early meeting which has also scrambled my schedule.)

So, trying to reenter after the clerking retreat.... and i'm hoping what i learned at the clerking retreat hasn't been too subsumed by the practices of Liaden melant'i.
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Saturday, May 30th, 2015 07:21 am
Hi there. I'm at the Quaker Center on a clerking retreat. My cut and paste from the evernote entry i typed up is failing some unicode test: i suspect that as i am using the iPad and a keyboard attached, i managed some interesting key sequences that have left artifacts.

I'll post it here later.

It's a beautiful morning here, no marine layer at all, which is a little surprising. I suppose the forecast of 80 degrees will be met.

Hoping you all are well.
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Wednesday, May 27th, 2015 06:34 am
Reading Bernie Sander's interview http://www.cnbc.com/id/102694365 after watching three episodes of The Century of the Self is a dose of sunshine after Houston-like deluges flooding my hope for democracy.
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Wednesday, May 20th, 2015 09:44 pm
Spent Saturday on my "back to the command line" project, lost in package installer upgrade land -- i hadn't taken care of various installed from unix package systems for ages. I found "port upgrade outdated" recompiling the c compiler. This took a while.

I've been fiddling with emacs and various things like using evernote from emacs and learning org-mode and markdown.

This morning, however, there was kerffluffle email at work that caused great distraction.

Christine's dental work went fairly smoothly and she's recovering.

Scattered but doing OK here.
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Friday, May 15th, 2015 06:28 am
Why is it when i read these folks want a common sense approach, i think it means "Not in my back yard and don't spend any of my tax dollars."

I've read the internet this morning, and Christine seems to be resting quite well. I'm looking at my ticklers for this mid month point and find a reminder to re-read this contrast of the harm of too much praise and the need for validation and encouragement.

With the OVER HALF INCH of rain yesterday, perhaps it is the clean air. I feel refreshed and ready to take on the day. Maybe it was actually walking before bed. I'm ready for a good Friday and good weekend.
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Thursday, May 14th, 2015 05:26 pm
Thunder! Rainrainrainrainrain! Oh my so delightful!

Christine came through the extraction fine just fine. Here's hoping first that the pain meds and antibiotics all have minimal side effects, and then that the reality helps dampen any concerns about further work. Probiotics acquired on the theory it will minimize any digestive side effects for her.

While she was in the chair, i visited a nearby Indian market and delighted in the spiced scents. I managed not to buy sweets, but did buy a bunch of vacuum packaged meals for Christine. And i got fresh paneer. There was a sale on tamarind concentrate, so tonight i will make coconut-tamarind fish for myself. I went through a half dozen recipes trying to derive a general theory of tomato-tamarind and coconut-tamarind curries. It looks like there's a few yogurt tamarind combinations -- including a mint yogurt tamarind soup.
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Thursday, May 14th, 2015 07:27 am
My Dad shared on Monday that my mother had sat down with a photo album of the early years they had in their current house. Similar to how Christine's and my current residence is the longest i've ever lived in one place, the home my parents are in has been their address for the longest they've ever been in one spot.

He said that she had shared with him that she had forgotten so much of the times, the visitors, the people they invited to live with them (including an immigrant family, a Russian girl who needed surgery in the US, i think some students...). He noted that they have lived together without children in the home longer than my siblings and i were with them. She'd forgotten.

She's been depressed. )

I'm hopeful for her.


Today Christine has oral surgery. There's a chance that she will have bone removal that will require bone grafting to repair. She's been very distressed around breaking the tooth last week and the prospect of not only the repairs needed (for which this is step one) but also the opportunity that this creates for orthodontics. I've told her i had five or six teeth removed in childhood for my orthodontics, but she's not finding any consolation in that.

I'm hoping that all the pain will be well managed. I fear she is letting her surgery from some years back color her expectations: this is nothing compared to some of the treatments and surgery she's had.

This distress folds in with other Elephant distress: i acknowledge that i am spending time and energy on supporting her in her distress, and i am counting. It's been a year and a half of the deep distress. A certain amount of "where has the time gone" is answered with the time spent supporting her when she is in distress. However, it's getting better. She recovers faster and has far more insight into the distress. She expresses her concern that she's not getting better periodically, and i point back at the milestones.

It seems as if Christine's journey took getting to the point where every coping mechanism learned in childhood and as a young adult had failed, in order to start building new ones. There's an echo with my mother's experience, too, and i hope for both of them that new skills of relating to the world can be constructed so that they can thrive. I know how i shifted and changed with the trauma therapy work i did: the grief, the pain, so raw for so many years, healed. It simply healed.

Now i work on building anew. With the glorious release from the stress and demands of my previous role (both self imposed and required), i think i can build new habits, new ways of moving to the tides of time and energy.


Yesterday's moments of good energy: talking on the deck with Christine, talking with KT about the work i did while she was out and the work we have ahead of us, some final analysis of how the combination of four different request flags should be handled by our system. (From the sixteen different combinations, we want only three major behavior differences.) The analysis definitely took me to a flow state.
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Wednesday, May 13th, 2015 04:23 pm
Grumbling about the first paragraph of http://blog.production.invision.works/how-to-manufacture-desire/ , i searched on a stack of terms along with the word addict.

I find the results a little perplexing, but i also see that some of the results are less about how habit forming something is and more about common turns of phrase. "Adrenaline junkie" occurs an order of magnitude more often than "adrenaline addict," for example. I suspect that the label "addict" has some associative logic, and then there are also some addictions that have unique labels (smoker, alcoholic). (Which have multiple meanings, so can't possibly be used as a scale measure.)

Anyhow. I got curious!
google results without and with quotation marks )
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Tuesday, May 12th, 2015 07:03 am

I've been using the Moodscope tool for six months or so now. It seems a trivial tool and i feel like i'm answering the questions the same way... yet the score moves. I'd been in a mood decline over the past few days (where decline means going to the all time average score level: my scores before the job change seem to average below 50% while i now seem to average at just under 60%*). Today i've perked up. And i think that's because yesterday, not only did i do the filling the form exercise, but i also looked back at my serenitree plans for my 47th year. [Accidental post at this point in writing.] I reconnected with that visioning and dreaming exercise, and found it more clear as to what i am trying to do.

And, i did get my tiny "condition of enoughness" goals done. Beyond that, while i didn't get in a walk, i did get a load of laundry and i knitted while watching our evening diversion. Plus, Christine and i had a long lovely chat on the deck, a habit we've been developing that i adore. (Although there was a six month period where we would have some walks when i came home that were twice rewarding.)

It's nice to have a data measure that enforced my impression that i was swinging up yesterday evening. Looking back over the past few months and seeing i had been progressing in going though stuff and that there were household care issues that had actually been improved.

If Moodscope allowed a csv export of the raw scores, i could actually calculate the averages before and after certain dates. But no. If paying for it allowed data export, i'd be interested.