elainegrey

I wrote a few days ago, "i need to ensure i am able to engage in them [hobbies, crafts] deeply instead of flit, flit, flit."

sonia replied, "My immediate response to this was, 'Why? There's nothing wrong with flitting.'"

It's a good question, and, given the day, one i'd like to meditate on at more length.

I know i have a certain need for novelty, but i also have a need for a deeper satisfaction. When i stick with using tools i develop a proficiency that then leads to a pleasure of having a skill.

Part of my flitting is inspired by new school (or art or craft) supplies and the promise of a fresh start, the possibilities the new supplies signify. (Or new books that i don't read or new notebooks i do not write in or new....) I start, and then flit off again. It's very common, i think: the term "UFO" in the yarn world to designate an "Un-Finished Object" points to the temptation even when one stays within a craft. In our culture, for the many who are moderately affluent, it's easier to buy new supplies for a new project than it is to finish an existing project. And if the existing project isn't going quite right, or some of the pleasure has waned, the new project is free of those associations, and exists in the potential of perfection and joy.

So now that i have a new shiny toy, a digital art device, i reflect on the other drawing tablet devices i've bought over the years and have used once or twice, the stacks of supplies, and i want to stick with this and pursue my creation to some level of satisfaction. I'd had a box of 64 crayons and a sketch pad next to my bed for a long time, well over a year, but after discovering an application called Skitch, i'd been doodling on my phone before sleep. It's the consistency with which i used that application -- not very consistent, but consistent enough -- that made me covet the iPad. I had more colors of crayons than i had in the palette on Skitch, but the ease of managing my phone made it easier to use the application to sketch.

Buying such an expensive New Thing did make me think about all the space allocated to the old things, lying fallow. I'd passed on old acrylic paints this fall, keeping the one product line that i really like. I think i could stand to do more lightening. Intensify what i know i enjoy and use, let go of the older dreams that walked through my life.

I can remember a really powerful session scribbling with the crayons, venting anger onto a page. I know that physicality isn't in the tablet. But is that potential need for a future catharsis enough to keep that tool around? I don't think so: i will still have paints to have a tactile physical experience.

Flitting and acquiring are great practices for exploration: i think i want to move on to discovery, be more intentional, let go of dusty habits and tools and decorative items and books.

I can't imagine i will stop trying new things, but new is a fractal experience.

We can look at a young child and recognize a new life, celebrate the newness of a new year, awaken to a new dawn, or even recognize the new beginning available with an intentional deep breath. The cycles within cycles are there, providing new opportunity and novelty wherever one wishes to find it.

So, instead of new tools, new techniques with existing tools. Instead of a new wardrobe, pare away the clutter and worn items to see the core essence of the wardrobe i have. Digest what i read instead of dashing on to the next new bit of information.

There's nothing wrong with flitting: there's a beauty and a joy available there. I'm feeling a need to make a change, like a season shifting, though.

I don't know how much is symbolic, tied to the need for change at work, and how much is tied to spiritual change and practice, and how much is a pragmatic examination of the "total cost of ownership" of stuff.

It's good change though, i think.

The beads made it! ( Creative noodling, but not noodling in the sense that the Republican running mate engages. )

While i worked on the beads i continued listening to the "Bloody Jacky" story.

Christine has her own project challenge from the day's mail that mopalia may find entertaining. Nick Bantock apparently developed a computer game that Christine has acquired off eBay. The game only runs on Windows 95. She's researched emulators and such, and she concluded that getting a laptop that runs Windows 95 might be less of a hassle and less expensive. Said laptop arrived in the same delivery as my beads, and she spent time sorting out that there were still things she would need -- like a mouse that works with the system. I'm not sure if she's still looking for a pcmcia CD drive or if she's just going to use our 3.5" external floppy to copy the CD over to floppies (erm, do we have any blanks?) to read on the machine. I fear she'll spend her whole school break on getting an environment going and she won't get to play the game.

I have a stack of Meeting responsibilities and work responsibilities hanging over me: i hope i can be productive and balanced this weekend.

So Edward has become a slave to the cat brush, and i am a slave to Edward and the brush. As the stacks of fluff collect, i have returned to pondering something i used to ponder when brushing GreyBrother and GreyBeard: can't i make stuff out of this?

The internet says yes. Yes, cat hair can make yarn, and yes, it felts. I don't know that i'm up to spending $17 per oz yet, though.

Am i crazy to spend $30 on a book and drop spindle?

I think i'll wait to make the purchase after i collect four ounces of Edward fluff. That seems a reasonable amount of fiber from which to begin experimentation.

Then i read a blog post like this one, and my mind reels away at the impact of all the jargon. Yoiks, spinning sounds hard!

I read* a Honor Harrington book last night (The Short Victorious War), and it was just as rewarding as i remember them being. I read a number of them back during a previous workplace challenge. This time, i felt awareness that i realize i am not managing the crap at work with the nobility Honor Harrington manages. Admittedly, the need for a chain of command in the military is rather different than the chain of command in random software development environment.

But i do want to be professional, and lately i think i've let my frustrations hang everywhere. No one admires that in Honor Harrington.

* David Weber's writing for the People's Republic characters bores me, sort of like Ayn Rand's writings when she'd give characters speeches. I feel i'm being given a lesson, and I'm not interested. I usually skim those chapters.

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I bought a knitting loom sometime back. I was first pleased with it, but now it seems likely i could be just as fast with a hook. Part of my interest in knitting is simply knowing that the knitting stitches are more economical than crochet stitches: the yarn makes a larger area fabric. But i don't want to learn to knit, really: i want my skills to develop with crochet, and it's in the edging and details, i think, that i have fun. The loom promised an even flat fabric with efficient stitching, but good heavens is it a bulky thing. On the other hand, there's a Loom kit which would allow assembling just the right size -- admittedly, a rake would do for me...

So now i see there's some practice called "knooking" with hacked crochet hooks. I'm tempted to order the set just to see if i can pick this up and use it instead of the weaving. If i understand the technique (from looking at the book in Amazon's viewer), i think i could hack other hooks for this purpose....

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I'm still recovering from yesterday's intense east coast time zone day, it seems. I pour myself out with meetings and responses, forgetting to eat (because all the times seem wrong), forgetting take my morning medications. There's no pause. Pacing, how to manage pacing?

[Before bed] I had an incredibly productive day of creative stuff. I am so glad that the previous day's ill health did not linger. HUZZAH! What follows are notes on the fiber activities of the day:
( dye resist dye wash sew dye dye dye )

Yesterday i was coming down from the reactive activation of the previous day. Not good for much, but i did get a decent piece of documentation done in response to a bit of collegial confusion.

The ride home was slowed by an accident in Palo Alto, with cars on both shoulders.

At home, i wanted to experiment with hand painting with Golden Acrylics on a shirt i plan to dye. I also want to alter the shirt and found this "T-shirt surgery" instruction that suggests putting a drawstring at an empire bodice line. I don't want to completely remove the sleeves, so what i'm thinking is of using a ribbon to gather the shirt at the shoulders and perhaps slitting the sleeves under he arm for ease. Once i marked the shirt for the bodice line, i painted the area underneath the bodice line with carbon black fluid acrylic mixed with a little water. I ended up with something that's paisley-inspired with organic curved shapes. I am mostly pleased. The Golden Acrylic site sounds like this won't wash out, but we'll see. By painting first, this will act as a resist, i believe, and if the acrylic washes out the black will be replaced by undyed fabric.

I've only painted the front: today i'll paint the back. I'm also thinking of painting a bit of detail on the "collar" (the suggestion to cut a vertical slit for fabric to hang like a collar from the neckline) and on the sleeves. The stained white cotton shorts that i'm going to dye to coordinate with the top will become a experimental playground for gel glue resist. The one experiment i did only "sort of" worked, and i've wondered if it was because i did not let the glue dry for days and days. If i decorate the hem with glue tonight, it will surely be several days before i dye the shorts and the glue will set.

One last resist method i want to experiment with is using a 1:1 flour paste to coat the fabric. Looks like i'll also need a thickener for the dye.

The relief offered by the process of doodling makes me wonder if that might not be a good technique to train me to ground myself in the moment while at work (instead of crochet). I used to doodle a great deal, but changes from paper to digital obviated the opportunity.

Our living room refresh has called into account the keyboard and mouse on the media Mac. The media tech is piled on random bits of furniture right now in front of the fireplace[1]. Last night $30 keyboard replacement arrived, an odd piece of wireless technology that's slightly bigger than a smartphone with a keyboard and trackpad. Probably good enough to type in a Netflix search.

[1] So we've not been burning fires as they aren't really needed for heating in the winter and they contribute to poor air quality. We could just get a "media center solution" and put it on the hearth. Most components are small, but there are a stack of them in random sizes, plus the twenty-odd year old audio component and nice speakers that Christine invested in ages ago.

Not much time for a morning journal: meetings start at 6:45 this morning and Greycie loo just came by to remind me i'm late in getting her breakfast.

I did see the doctor and one of my four complaints was met with antibiotics; the remainder with, "Well, you and your irritated skin, here's a dermatologist referral."

Dear places that have had suspicious symptoms: thanks SO MUCH for being only a little red or just fine yesterday. And i think getting all gross hours after seeing the doctor was just cruel.

Anyhow, i was praised with a, "You don't overuse antibiotics," as we looked for one for the infection.

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I made significant progress on my May Day tablecloth last night. It's probably a "C" as a home ec project: seams far from precise, i left the selvages on, i didn't wash the fabric before sewing. I tell myself i'm taking educated risks with the selvages and the lack of prewash: it's a rectangle, and i usually use a runner down the middle of the table where the puckering would become obvious. The seams are "good enough."

Despite how tedious pinning a hem is, even cheating by seaming around the edges to indicate the 5/8", i went ahead and pinned. There's more pinning ahead.

One of the new habits i'm trying to get into, one that my parents never taught by action, is putting up unfinished projects, even though "i will get back to it" very soon. I was surely instructed to put things up, but my parents' behavior was always that they were just dealing with an interruption -- time to make dinner or some such -- and they would be back to it as soon as the interruption was over. That frame takes the rhythm of life and turns it all into interruptions, and surrounds one with the visual evidence of unfinished and interrupted projects. It seems more inefficient to put things up, but i'm beginning to suspect that trying to save time that way is a false economy.

Must go!

I was tired Friday afternoon and just watched the BBC Robin Hood series until i could have an early dinner and fall asleep in front of the news. A long night's sleep, and I felt well and alert.

I realized that my Ponoko order arrived while i was gone. I was delighted to unpack the sheet of laser cut purple acrylic and the sheet of laser cut leather. All in all, i'm pleased. The etching in the acrylic needs some help to be visible, and i can scratch and paint on the scrap to find a good solution.

One of the many little projects was to make a back for a comb-bound notebook, so that it would be stiff enough to be a writing surface. I didn't get the measurement between the comb-binding punches quite right. I must have slightly under-measured -- a rounding error -- and the error propagated so that any few combs can go through but all twenty some have problems. I notched the combs so it would work with what i have.

To experiment with pendants, i made a pattern by swirling a seven pointed star in Illustrator. In acrylic the pendant and earrings are a little pointy, but cute. The leather pendant in the same swirled star seems much more attractive. I'd also used the free area on the leather to make little name/email/phone number tags to attach to things to keep them from being lost. Those turned out quite well.

I've made purse bottoms out of both leather and acrylic, with laser cut holes around the edges for crochet attachment. I'm not sure when i'll move to that project.

I made a run to the farmer's market and soaked in morning sun. Blood oranges, asparagus, and fragrant strawberries tell the story of spring. I've eaten one of the oranges and hope to make a vinaigrette for the asparagus with the remaining one -- but i might just eat it, as well.

In gardening news, ( Read more... )

The lavender and rosemary are already blooming.

I am delighted with the bodice front i've made of a slubby worsted weight silk-llama blend yarn i picked up in Santa Cruz. It's to go with a wrap skirt made from vintage sari silk that i also picked up in Santa Cruz. I plan to just wear it around the house during the summer. Maybe i'll line it and wear it in public. [Design notes.]

The next step is a different story: I ripped out the crochet work i did on the return flight. I didn't quite have enough yarn. Had i been home, i could have weighed the yarn and divided it in two equal segments to make symmetric sleeves. Now that i'm home, i think i will focus on using the brown yarn to wrap around under my arms and the remaining red yarn to go over the shoulders.

Off for a busy day.

So my right hand is all invested in making plans, and my right hand made plans for this morning, none of which involved sleeping past 7 am. I know those plans are all about the responsibilities i have outside of myself, but i didn't count in self care.

Yesterday i had two slices of cold pizza for lunch. Maybe it was the wheat, maybe it's still the recovery, but the afternoon did suffer from a woosy, dulled feeling. I met with the guy who stood me up on Wednesday, who was reasonably apologetic - and shaking. I had been urged by a number of folks to take care of me first: meeting him after work on Friday was actually a good time for me. That went well enough. After that i stopped by the bookstore where Christine had dropped off our used books. There was some confusion as to whether they'd processed our offerings yet; it turned out that they'd gotten out of order. Ours were next. I went to the bead store to kill fifteen minutes and wandered there an hour. Back to the bookstore where the first culling of the CDs were well received, the books less so. Home.

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It's almost exactly twelve hours after i started writing this post. The day has been odd and off. I've been a bit obsessed about crocheted beaded ropes and sprouting my own sprouts. My mind feels terribly muddled as i encounter the instructions for both. I spent the past hour fumbling with an attempt at crocheting a beaded rope. I'm currently horrified that the seeds i bought at Whole Market advise soaking in BLEACH to kill potential e coli bacteria. Is this really an issue? Sheesh! If so, i'll use peroxide, not bleach.

http://www.sproutpeople.com/index.html is where i started today, and is a bit rambly, but probably the best source i saw.

I bought chia, mung, and a seed mix at Whole Foods.

When i go out of town but Christine remains at home, i happily document being away from the usual. When we're both gone, i am a bit more cryptic about it.

Other things that also kept me from journaling:

(1) The hotel we were staying at was next to the Travelodge, and we were told to use the Travelodge wireless access point. Christine was trying to do her (somewhat painfully old) computer science online training -- woo, everyone will have a good 2002 baseline windows computing experience -- and so she got all the bandwidth and i contented myself with reading on the cell phone.

(2) I appear to be developing a bit more of a 3 am waking pattern than i like, and Saturday in the wee hours i could not go back to sleep. Doing the yoga routine on my phone helped finally. I then slept in as much as i could before driving Christine to her conference location. I walked myself to exhaustion on Saturday as well, so i was early to bed and late (ish) to rise.

(3) We were out cruising the grey bluffs at 8 am on Sunday, removing me from my morning journaling time, and i spent many hours in the afternoon making necklaces and going through stashes.

My hope for today, another day off in my use-it-as-i-earn-it vacation plan, is to do some significant planning for getting my time and responsibilities back on track. The temptations are to string two more necklaces -- the splurge purchase from the bead store in Santa Cruz -- and process the hundreds of photos. (Yes, it is very cool to have the rapid shoot shutter thing when shooting surfers. And then there's cleaning up the many unnecessary shots.)

I should also make some documentation of my fingerless mit i was improvising while traveling.

Photos and sharing the joy to come.