elainegrey

Well, i hope i am done with my obsessive rest and relaxation reading in the Liaden series. It appears i last binged through in the summer of 2015.

So that's where i've been. Christine asked if it was really that compelling: obviously the answer is yes. I admit the sweetness of the romances and the parenting and mentoring relationships is an pleasure, as well as the themes of loyalty and love to people who are worthy of that. The depictions of otherness, bias, and discrimination as well as of vast wealth gaps provide some of the meat. I am sad to find the "big bad," the Department of the Interior, too resonant with today's wall building interests than it seemed in 2015. On the other hand, at least today's "deep state" (i now perform Olympic level eye rolls) is set up to support the constitution and not some secret ideal.

Speaking of which, it appears one can contribute to the legal fund at the professional organization for foreign service professionals at https://www.afsa.org/donate. You can skip a slightly awkward UX by registering at https://ams.afsa.org/eweb/DynamicPage.aspx?webcode=newuserreg&eml_address=&action=add It's clear they did not originally imagine non-members contributing and that they are using the same "cart" flow that one uses to register membership in the professional organization. They offer standard credit card (Amex, Discover, MC, Visa) options. How ever, after multiple attempts, instead of a donation all i can offer is some QA notes:

Hi, i am not a member of your organization but would like to make a contribution to the Legal Defense Fund. I've registered an account and gone through the web flow to make a donation, but i'm unable to finish the "purchase" process. I'm getting an error, "This change does not obey the required constraints of the data." I tried clearing my cookies for your site and tried logging in to make the donation again: i then encountered the error, "The following error has occurred: Conversion failed when converting from a character string to uniqueidentifier." However, when i returned to https://ams.afsa.org/eweb/DynamicPage.aspx?WebCode=LoginRequired&expires=yes&Site=AFSA The message said i was logged in, so i went through the donation process again and failed with the same "required constraints" message. These attempts were made 2019-10-27 before 7:37 am EDT.

I was hoping i could chip in for, i dunno, a quarter hour of lawyer accompaniment during testimony. Maybe.

egret is asking for a recommendation for her syllabus and, while she and i share some connections, we don't share all our connections, and i think some of you who aren't connected to her may have advice.

In addition to the above, the book should appeal to young people of all races and genders.

See https://egret.dreamwidth.org/693279.html?mode=reply

I am a lousy reader. I also read ebooks so i have NO idea how long they are. But from my notes i can pull up these:

I have notes about Join, and can't recall it (clearly?): https://elainegrey.dreamwidth.org/680396.html Also don't know about "not depressing."

The Ancillary series is probably longer than desired?

Jemsin's The Broken Earth -- is that more fantasy?

Becky Chambers' Wayfarers series has great world building and is about identity in many ways -- seems good for younger folks.

Any other ideas?

So, yesterday evening my flight from Raleigh Durham was cancelled. I found out after i came in from working in the yard, wet from rain and decorated with grass clippings. I will admit to some frantic behavior as i dialed the corporate travel agent and then tossed the phone to Christine so i could get a shower. By the time i was out, i'd been rebooked on an earlier ... 5:30 am ... flight. That added two hours to my six hour layover.

The lounge has wifi, free food and drink including champagne, and comfortable seats next to a power outlet. Excellent tea! The tea descriptions even distinguish China from Indian blacks.

I fear i have mainly been productive in going through Google Docs and trying to make the documents available off line. I suspect i will have intermittent networking access until i check into my hotel in Tallinn. No wifi in the rooms on the ferry, even though the operator notes, "As people need Internet access nowadays almost as much as air...." There is access on the public decks.

Presentation angst.

Well, i am going to read and eat couscous salad and drink the red wine before saddling myself back up and getting some waking in.

I would feel far more comfortable if there was a gate for my flight.


In reading news, let me point you to https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/420370544/shadows-of-hyperion. I've enjoyed the Grand Central Arena series by Ryk E Spoor and would be delighted for Ryk to have the capacity to write another entry. It's a fascinating universe and i'm curious about it and the characters. You can start the series with a free Kindle copy: https://smile.amazon.com/Grand-Central-Arena-Ryk-Spoor-ebook/dp/B00APAH4ZO/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=ryk+e+spoor&qid=1560448747&s=gateway&sr=8-3

Yesterday the PET scan came back. The doctor focused my father on the good news. They caught the cancer early, there's just the two nodules in one lung. She suggests surgery may be sufficient.

But in the same report are continued findings about scarring and poor lung health. It's possible these reports aren't a big deal, but i can't help but think that the scarring reported is going to complicate matters.

As i told my sister: i think Mom is capable of dealing with mortality. I don't think she's capable of dealing with complicated and uncomfortable medical procedures.

I took Friday off because i was emotionally drained by the news. My body is pretty distressed. The grief washes over me when i think about it. I am comfortable with most of the grief, but there are little bits of bitterness when i worry about Dad. When i follow the thread of the bitterness, it comes from mental falsehoods, learned ways of blaming others, a way of telling the story of now that isn't true or helpful. That helps me drain away the bitterness. I do wonder if those bitter thoughts, the blame (echoes from watching and listening to my mother's bitterness as a child) are a defense against pain.

It's surprising how bitterness distracts me from the clean ache. I hurt: let me blame someone. So i hurt, i recognize my dad hurting too, and i want to blame. Dad, right after he talked to doctors, blamed particles of asbestos from the submarines my grandfather worked on, being inhaled by mom as she hugged him when he came home. That's quite a little vignette, a tableau to hold in the mind, never mind that my grandfather wasn't very hug oriented. In Dad's pain, he found a story to blame for the cancer.

--== ∞ ==--

I feel frustrated at the time slipping by. I'm not doing yard work! committee work! work work! I'm trusting i'm doing what i need to do. Today i had lunch with Mom and Dad, and a assisted when Mom practiced walking. (Walking!)

I did finish reading Apothecary Melchior and the Mystery of St Olaf's Church by Indrek Hargla, set in medieval Tallinn. I don't know how much was lost in translation, and i am not sure i would read the other one that was available on Kindle except that i have already bought it. It did make for a pleasant way to learn about the Old City and the history of an area i know little about.

My brother's wife and her parents have are members of a Muslim community in Santa Clara county. They've been trying to get a mosque built for years, but have been blocked by various regional NIMBY engagements. After the first round, where fairly strong anti-Muslim folks used environmental concerns to challenge, the community decided to do an environmental impact report at great expense -- the type report required for much larger projects. The impact report found little for concern as long as mitigations were followed. The location is not an environmentally sensitive area -- no one is saying, "What about the plant or bug or lizard or bird." It's more, "What about the traffic? It's big for our little unincorporated area." And there seems to be some freaking out about people being buried in the cemetery following the Muslim practices. To which i scrunch up my face and ponder whether the same folks complaining refrain from burying their pets on their own land. It just doesn't seem likely.

I hope that by following the consultant's advice to plan big, it's given the community the room to reduce the size of the project and still have a satisfactory result. I think of the bickering in my county over various development projects. I am sure some of the complaints in Santa Clara are honest "keep rural areas rural," if i judge by the vociferous contention here. But here, at least, the invocation of great blue herons and eagles and the large trees do seem to be much more environmental, than the semi-agri-industrial area complaints in Santa Clara.

That was a dramatic end to a week. Phones went off with blaring noises at the end of the workday, warning of tornado threat. I executed our tornado plan with cats in carriers in the garden tub and Carrie on a leash with me in the most inner bathroom. Once i finally got a look at the radar i slowly let the pets have more room to roam. Christine came home and we watched the local extended coverage news, with a bit of eye rolling as the anchors scrolled through local social media and webcams to find images that looked scary.

I have pondered, on occasion, a trap door so we can get to the crawlspace from inside, and creating a small nook of comfort. Any motivation to actually follow through would be far more dystopian than tornadoes. I will get one of the crank powered radios in the bathroom though, along with treats for the pets.

Status of....

Dad -- as an engineer, he has constantly lectured us on stress damage to bridges, roller coasters, ferris wheels, and the like. This Thursday i noted how he argues for designing for the unexpected and pointed out he was not managing his and mom's help that way. He said, "You think i'm planning for the worst" when i suggested a strategy of spending more over this year with the expectation that Mom will be more able to care for her physical needs in a year. I replied that i did NOT think he was planning for the worst but for steady state -- he wasn't planning for the unexpected. When i left he said i'd given him something to think about. I called my sister and we agreed to hold off on the intervention this weekend to give him time to reflect.

Mom -- she showed me how she can stand and take three tiny steps -- giving dad a panic when he realized she was going forward with it without any knowledgeable supervision. It was lovely to see her stand up and move her leg but also telling: she's going to be in more danger before she gets out of danger. And her cognition is clearly impaired. Dad, by the end of the day, wants her to just stay still and not do anything so he doesn't have to be on alert. It's not fair to either of them. With their long relationship history, Dad asking Mom to stay still is like a starter's pistol at a race.

The Working Group -- Long weekend in Europe acts a barrier to a few logistical steps. I wanted to have the survey out, but feel stymied by the organizational wiki being frozen and the absence of an email we can use as a public address.

The Strategic Plan for the CTO -- this went well, and i think i had a good graphical interpretation of current state idea.

The Product Proposal -- the executive leadership team judges it on Monday. Depending on their decision, the CTO plan gets a general change in how i will advocate.

Lunch with Ladies -- the mayor from Meeting had suggested we get together for lunch and i accepted, and she also invited the Meeting Newsletter editor who lives nearby. The Mayor apparently knocked herself out with an antihistamine, leaving the editor and i to lunch together. The editor's husband had Alzheimer's, so she could comfortably discuss caregiver issues. She used to be a paper artist and is returning to that, so we had that pleasure to discuss. The Greek food was fine, and i bought Turkish coffee to make in the coffee pot my brother bought in Saudi Arabia.

Elephants -- mostly quiet but with some moments where they were on edge. Christine took care of them.

Reading -- a Maisie Dobbs novel was automatically checked out when my turn in line came up and i read that last night. I continue to appreciate the psychology despite what i expect is complete and utter anachronism. And i continue to appreciate a self aware main character who is not tortured or self destructive or miserable, but engages in self care. I also respect how she wraps up her projects: may it inspire me to be a little more responsible. I also read a 1991 novel An Owl Too Many by Charlotte MacLeod. I didn't know the date of the novel when i started, but i became curious. What kept the novel from being set in 1970? The environmentalism front and center would have been at home. The prudish university persident's wife seemed more at home closer to the 70s than the current. A coded notebook elicited a comment about computer code: that was the only appearance of a computer. No mobile or cell phones: my father had one in the 8Os. Ah, the series began in 1979. Well then.

The outside -- green green green. The cold snap this week didn't snap to a temperature that cause any harm. Thursday after work the seedlings in the greenhouse looked melted. I'll see soon if any revived. I forget what is planted in the trays but germination hasn't been rapid. I suspect some cases are just that it will take a long time. I am not impressed with my seed starting skills. Perhaps next year i will ensure i buy seed starting mix and perhaps fiddle more.

Tuesday was colored by a password flaw in Apple's Mojave operating system combined with the enterprise management software used by my company. Pretty much my whole workday went to that. My out of office time was colored by visiting the hairdresser who colored my hair. We continue with the very delicate coloring that is barely noticeable -- but it's enough of a brightening to make a difference.

Wednesday i had worried calls from Dad, therapy, and some stress from switching work tools. My iMac, which i bought for editing photos and rarely sit at, appears to be in some shadow of the wifi transmitter. After a frustrating video meeting i dug out an Ethernet cable and, zoom, all the bits started flooding my way.

Yesterday my sister, father and i met to make plans, and i apparently ran the meeting like a martinet. OK, that's me over-stating. We did get through resolving on next steps. It turned out that the place she is at had, at Dad's Wednesday request, sent the information needed over to the facility we would like her moved to. My Dad's expectation that things would be drawn out drove me a little nuts: it will be drawn out if we draw it out. He was going to make a more clear request for information to be set over today. He obviously doesn't recall the four hour turn around we had in early February between request to send information and receipt of the results. (Then a "no".)

I'm hoping that the slower response regarding the transfer is reflecting more consideration this time.

I felt stressed and unwell most of the day. I think tree pollen allergy season is at hand, and forgetting an antihistamine at night contributed to the sense of illness yesterday.

I have found a mystery series that i may enjoy reading in the library eBook collection, the Flavia de Luce Mystery Series. The sleuth is a 1950s-ish impoverished British aristocratic family's youngest daughter, with many tropes of the cozy British mystery with Sherlock Holmes like awareness of scientific detail and the inner life of a vengeful and precocious ten year old.

Greycie seems to be perking up. The boost in prednisone helps and we have an appetite stimulant pill. Hopefully a virtuous circle of feeling better and eating will get in motion. I suspect i won't see her tail get back to its normal carriage and motion: one mass is on her lower spine and i expect it is what limits her control of her tail. It is hard to see it dragging behind her. But she has been vocal and moved around with some speed: it's such a joy.

We had a bad bout of elephants in the late evening yesterday. It followed my reading of a memoir of someone's homeless days (see below). That followed my conversation with a "retired" colleague. I found it wasn't exactly a retirement, which stirred up my bile at the layoffs and firing that happened last week. It certainly feels wrong.

I am glad to have today off as i need the rest, and look forward to some family time. I grow to question the American foundation myth--more than questioning when it comes to the issue of slavery--and the violence of the revolution, but i value the ideals of the Declaration of Independence. I'm not sure what that comes to with respect to "celebrating." Perhaps i can write some letters arguing various policies of state and trade have impact on immigration that i have had on my mind.

I hope those of you who have the day off have the joy of it and those of you who celebrate Independence Day can use that energy to promote the ideals of the experiment.


Everett, Mik. Self-Published Kindling: Memoirs of a Homeless Bookstore Owner. Unknown Press, 2013.

referred to by

Price, E. “Laziness Does Not Exist.” E Price (blog), March 23, 2018. https://medium.com/@dr_eprice/laziness-does-not-exist-3af27e312d01 .

I ended up leaving work early on Friday to rest. And i did a good bit of resting yesterday. Chest still feels tight & heavy, coughing spells still occur.

We have no water this morning, which is not a complete shock. The area has passed the 1982 record number of consecutive subfreezing hours yesterday. Our outside thermometer says -8°F this morning. We'll run a lightbulb out to the pumphouse in a while and hope nothing has cracked. We have jugs of water around for when we loose power (and the pump doesn't work) so no hardship yet. Also, there's plenty of snow to melt.

Eight Fahrenheit degrees below freezing. I am strongly inclined to cuss.

With respect to resting, i read The Rise and Fall of D.O.D.O. which i almost didn't finish: it takes off very very slowly, and i felt the foreshadowing (can you have foreshadowing with time travel?) was rather blunt. But FINALLY there were a few new characters that introduced a little more complexity and i did finally finish. I also read Piers Anthony's Wielding a Red Sword and concluded my expectations have changed since i was in high school. If i end up reading more today, i'll try reading a book i just had delivered which is about Quakers in Tibet in the 1950s.

Speaking of delivering, we had several postal packages trudged through the snow to our house. The were light but bulky (HVAC filters, primarily). I thought of someone else's story of not receiving a delivery because their porch hadn't been cleaned of snow. I suppose delivering up our snowy walk and snowy drive and snowy porch is no big deal because the roads are black ice and icy snow.

Toutonghi, Steve. Join. S.l.: Soho, 2017.

I read Join via Overdrive last night and found it a wonderful speculative fiction novel. Craftwise, the ending seemed bumpy, but this did not detract from my enjoyment. It is interesting to compare to Haldeman's Forever Peace, which also addresses the idea of a technological merging of identities. There's a resonance with Leckie's Ancillary series, too, in addressing consciousness spread across bodies and awareness of the very embodied experiences.

I was delighted to have randomly picked a book that was so engaging. It probably needs a little trigger warning as death, violence, and fatal illness thread through the plot in meaningful ways.

To compare Join and Forever Peace is somewhat challenging, as the technological connection is fictional, so the impact of the connection on a human's sense of identity can't be said to be more plausible in one than the other. Forever Peace's form of connection does not seem to affect identity nearly as much as in Join. I wonder, though, how "true" that can be. If you sense the embodiment of another, would you still find your sense of identity to be isolated to your "own" body?

Might as well toss the Borg and Voyager's "Unity" episode.

The end of last week featured a great deal of demotivated being. I think i understand it: a biological nadir, the joys of the self assessment at work, long weekend anticipation. I picked up two digital speculative fiction books from the library: I checked out Haldeman's Forever Peace and then my hold on Butler's Seed to Harvest came available. That's actually an omnibus edition and I have read Wild Seed & Mind of My Mind. I'm drawing the line at Clay's Arc some chapters in, partly because i need to get up, partly because I'm really tired of Butler's characters.

It's remarkable, given the semi-random selection i made from Overdrive, how very similar the concepts are in the two narratives -- and yet how very different. Race, with African American and African characters, is featured in both books, as is a sort of change of humanity. Butler's focus on slavery is far more prevalent than in Haldeman's, and i've been left with a great deal of discomfort. (And, after reading Butler's Fledgling, i feel the ground well explored.) I guess the power dynamics of manipulation and enslavement is a more accurate description of Butler's theme, not slavery outright.

I think the two books would be a little more comparable if Haldeman had kept going and described the post "humanization" world. In Butler's "Patternist" world, there was a clear hierarchy within the powerful. Haldman's optimism -- that there is a way to overwhelm the viscous part of human nature and bring compassion and love forward -- stopped at the point where the narrative gets challenging (but perhaps less dramatic). Would he have described a Quaker-like governance?

Butler's focus on manipulation exhausted me, but it's made me poke at Forever Peace and its focus on violence: am i missing something? I feel like i'm watching a magic trick where the violence is the misleading distraction. It might be a difference in scale. The powers in Haldman's narratives were governmental and global scale; the two "Patternist" books were much more interpersonal, concluding with a couple thousand.

I'm thinking about reading the nonfiction work The Serengeti Rules: The Quest to Discover How Life Works and Why It Matters. It seems to argue for a fractal quality of ecological rules. Perhaps i could phrase that as "Life is life at any scale." I need to think about how that sort of fractal view meshes with the concept of emergent properties of complex systems. Hmmm, most of my learning about nonlinear mathematics and properties of chaotic systems was absolute ages ago. I bet there's some synthesis of understanding, a correlation between the concept of emergent properties and strange attractors.

This comes to mind because there may be some fractal similarity between Butler's communities and Hadleman's global consideration, human dynamics aren't linear.

I was watching the first episode of season 4 of Sherlock, where he makes some statement about if all the threads were known, everything is determined. Poor writer, missing the point of Lorenz's butterfly (and on the smallest scales, dice are everywhere).